I thought about getting an off-campus house once. "It'll be like my parents are gone for the weekend...for the whole term!" I imagined. But as I walked the 17.8 miles from my future house back to campus, I started second-guessing myself. I pictured trying to walk from Frat Row and finding my house in the remote suburbs of Hanover with a BAC of 0.24. I couldn't even imagine attempting to convince my girlfriend to walk this half-marathon with me at the end of the night. That's when I started sympathizing with the plight of those living off-campus, especially those trying desperately to tempt that boy or girl of their dreams to head from Frat Row to 49 Lebanon Street.
These off-campus residents really do have it tough. While it is a quick walk up the stairs for those living in their respective frat or sorority, it's a bit tricky trying to persuade someone to walk to a different state with you just to "check blitz." That's why if you choose to live off-campus and would still like to hook up you have to get a little more creative.
First of all, have a lot of parties at your off-campus house. Begin all of your parties about one hour before it's supposed to rain and hide everyone's umbrellas and raincoats.
Offering food is always a good way to "seal the deal" at the end of the night. This is harder living off-campus. Who's going to hike 15 miles to eat Ramen noodles in your room? There are a few ways, however, to turn this disadvantage into opportunity. Try to find the house closest to an apple orchard, because who doesn't like drunken apple-picking? If all the houses with orchards in their backyards are already occupied, pick the house nearest EBA's.
Often, one will invite their potential hook-up back to their room to "watch a movie." Those living off-campus better have a damn good selection of DVDs if they plan on getting anyone to walk back with them after tails and six games of pong. I suggest purchasing the complete series of "Full House." In addition, "Space Jam" and "Kazaam" are necessities (basically any movies with pro-basketball players turned actors are golden).
The final obstacle in convincing someone to travel into the realms of off-campus housing is the threat of Hanover Police. Safety and Security may be patrolling Webster Avenue on their bikes, but the Hanover Police actually have handcuffs and guns. In order to avoid being picked up, you might want to leave your "Stop Snitchin'" shirt at home for the night. If they do happen to stop you on your way home, think up a plausible story. "Good evening, Officer. My sister and I are just returning from a brilliant rendition of Shakespeare's Hamlet at the Hopkins Center for the Arts. You really should see it."
There may be roadblocks along the way, but with enough preparation, even those living off-campus may enjoy a summer full of romance.
