As the temperature rises in good ol' Hanover and the frozen tundra slowly gives way to small patches of green, Dartmouth students -- newly liberated from North Face prisons -- begin shedding layers quicker than Miley Cyrus on a Vanity Fair photo shoot.
It's a natural compulsion -- after all, who doesn't want to immediately trade in their bulky winter gear for the skimpiest warm weather apparel? However, this idea has ultimately resulted in a most unfortunate trend: the ubiquitous bathing suits on the Green. Head over to the center of campus on a balmy day and I guarantee that you'll be surrounded by girls in bikinis, looking as if they got lost on their way to spring break in Cabo. Now, I'm not anti-bathing suit per se. As a total beach bum, I pretty much live in swimsuits come summer time. But something about strutting around in a bikini on the Green just seems inappropriate.
First of all, there is the issue of aesthetics. Facing harsher conditions than the average college student, we are subjected to months of subzero temperatures, sun deprivation, a high stress atmosphere and easy access to lots of fried food and cheap beer. Thus, Dartmouth, unlike schools in warmer climates, is hardly a breeding ground for Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. We are an (understandably) pasty and doughy student body, better suited to tasteful Ivy League tweeds and argyles than string bikinis.
While I'm sure that, with the help of some summer relaxation, we will all magically transform into gorgeous Alessandra Ambrosio look-alikes by the time August rolls around, for now it's important to remember that there are times when people look better with more clothes on than off. So until you ditch Hanover for some tropical hotspot where you can privately acquire a base tan, ditch the bathing suit. Nobody wants to see pale, flabby, winter-ravaged bodies.
Secondly, I'd like to point out that we are currently situated in New Hampshire: the wonderful state characterized by an abundance of moose, maple syrup and mountains. New Hampshire and Dartmouth in particular, located more than 100 miles from the ocean, are not known for the sand and surf. The designated spaces where it is socially acceptable, and indeed necessary, to wear a bathing suit in public (beaches or pools) are few and far between in Hanover. New Hampshire is a New England haven for frigid and reserved WASPs -- hardly the right venue to be prancing around in your cute new Malia Mills.
Minus the sand and surf, the act of wearing a bathing suit is devoid of any necessity beyond attracting attention. And this type of desperate, attention-seeking "NOTICE ME" behavior violates the very essence of being young and carefree; it smacks of trying too hard. Bikinis are the attention whore's choice of attire, completely incongruent with our surroundings.
There are those who claim that wearing their bathing suits on the Green serves a practical purpose: Parading in a two-piece allows one to study and socialize while simultaneously working on a natural tan. Now, I can sympathize with the desire to catch some rays; my pallid complexion gets mocked by friends lucky enough to attend schools that aren't under four feet of snow for most of the year. But realistically, the chances of getting a decent tan on the Green are slim to none. This is spring in New Hampshire, not St. Tropez.
In high school, as soon as the temperature hit 70, my best friend and I would cut class, sneaking out of second period theology (sorry, Sr. Helen!) to sunbathe down on the shore. If there is one thing I learned from my Catholic schoolgirl delinquency, it's that no matter how long we laid out in the sun or how high the mercury rose, we never developed any sign of a tan in April or May. Spring is just not conducive to any (effective) sunbathing.
As weather.com helpfully points out, meteorological summer (i.e. when it begins to get warm enough to tan) doesn't begin until June 1. In the meantime bathing suits on the Green have absolutely no reasonable justification.
Stefanie is a writer for The Mirror. Blitz her at 'naughtycatholicschoolgirl.'
