I, Rembert Browne, am 98% sure I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. I know this because this past week -- my horrendous midterms week -- I have never been happier in my life. Let me give you a few numbers: 69, 70, 73, 76, 77. Those are the grades of my first five orgo problem sets. They are also the high temperatures for the past five days. There has been all sun, no rain and very few clouds. And the Green. Don't even get me started on the current status of the Green. It looks like Bonaroo every day between 11:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. Everything about this school right now is amazing.
Even though I have no actual scientific data on this bold claim, there was a point last Friday when 3,500 students were on the Green. Of those, you have your typical people tanning, throwing a Frisbee or eating a nice Homeplate lunch. There are other Dartmouth students, however, who were probably dropped on the head as children and have different, and therefore hysterical, definitions of "fun in the sun." In case you missed these gems, here are the four greatest things I've seen on the Green since President Wright sold his soul for good weather during Dimensions:
Sun's Out, Guns Out
Two guys, instead of coming to the Green and then removing their shirts, came to the Green with no shirts in sight. They brought a football and were talking about their various athletic glory days from high school. To make, a long story short, one of the guys told his comrade to run deep so he could throw him a 200-yard pass. Unfortunately for him (and the girl whose smoothie ended up all over her face), the throw went about a tenth as far as he expected, completely ruining smoothie girl's day. Instead of owning up to his lack of athletic prowess, he bolted off the Green. Without looking, he ran across the street and was one missed prayer away from getting hit by a Ford Focus.
Deadly Four Square
Take your favorite childhood game. Bring some friends along. And then play this game in the middle of the street. That is what happened one afternoon with the great game of four square. On the stretch of the one-way street between Robinson Hall and the Green, one very fun medusa-haired '08 male decided to chalk a four square court in the middle of the street when no cars were coming. Next time there was a break in the traffic, eight students ran into the street and began playing high-level, full-contact four square. If a car came, they would scatter. At a certain point, a few other people began stalling cars further up the street by crossing very slowly. All of this, for a very dangerous game of four square.
Can You Hear Me Now?
What are those little Russian dolls called? You know, the ones where you start off with a big doll, then you open her up and there is a smaller one inside, and then you open her up and there is another one and so on? I've always wanted one of those. I have a point, because on the Green during the hottest part of the day, people protect themselves by applying sunscreen. Many people were doing this last week, but there was one particular group of five students that turned this seemingly mundane task into an art form. The group was coed and varied in year, but more than anything, they varied -- drastically varied -- in height. Ranging from roughly 5'1'' to 6'4'', the five were also all standing up in line from shortest to tallest, putting sunscreen on the person in front of them. Picture those AT&T-Cingular commercials that show those signal bars in the world around us. That day, the Green could have been in one of those commercials. It was absolutely amazing.
Wimbledon in Hanover
Last Friday around 5 p.m., a '10 Theta Delt and '09 Sig Ep walked unto the Green on a mission. The Green had begun to clear out, and these two capitalized on the new-found space. Equipped with tennis racquets and tennis balls, the two gentlemen began to play tennis on the Green as if they were at the All-England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, in London. These two, with the imagination of six-year-olds, played a highly competitive game, completely ignoring the fact they had no net or out of bounds. After a few minutes of battling, the '09 Sig Ep charged "the net" and was instantly TKO'd by the tennis ball, courtesy of his stellar opponent.
These stories are not meant to blow your mind; they are simply here to remind you how amazing the springtime is. When it gets above 70 degrees, never forget that you can actually do anything you want. Take advantage of this rule -- they may take it out of the ORC next year. And always remember to keep your eyes peeled because there really is no telling what one might see as it gets warmer and fewer people go to their 2As.
Rembert Browne is a staff writer for The Mirror. He's bad at orgo but very good with sunscreen.
