Hey prospies -- this one's for you! Before you start literally queuing up when a brother tells you your ninth in line tonight, let Grace Kang shed some insight on what it takes to get on a pong table in the first place. Don't worry about skills; we don't expect you to have them.
It's Friday night and you're down in the beloved basement of [enter frat of choice]. Let me guess, you're either playing pong or waiting on a game under the guise of 'hanging out.' Who said Hanover nightlife wasn't sweet?
Yes, a pong line can be the bane of a Dartmouth student's existence, and they can also be an enigma. Why are they so long? Who really agrees to be sixth on table? Why did I get bumped? How can I hear those sweet words "You're next" more often than not? Some questions may never be answered, but other 'secrets' only require patience and observation to figure out.
How long is the average line on a Friday or Saturday night?
Pong lines vary depending on whether the house is having an event (long), it's a big party weekend (longer -- thanks alums!) or it's just dead (not long). Having interviewed brothers from a variety of fraternities on campus, a weekend-night pong line during peak rage hours ranges from three to five. This leads us to the next big question.
When is prime time to call next?
First, let me just clarify that by prime time, I don't mean facetime. Juicycampus devotees, go away. Hardcore pong players, soldier on. Prime time refers to the best time in the basement to play pong when the lines won't be long. Survey says: before 11 p.m. and after 2 a.m. The early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese and all that jazz.
So, you now know when to bring that gentleman caller or lady friend by for a lovely civilized game of pong. However, what if you've just got that hankering at 11 p.m.? Even if you get to your frat of choice and there's a line four deep, there is an art to moving on up the line so you can show off your awesome (or pitiful) skills to the cutie you're playing with:
DO know a brother.
"Get to know the brothers, and you'll get plenty of games," one brother at Heorot said. These guys hold the keys to the kingdom. The extent of their influence varies from house to house, but consensus among all the brothers interviewed was the same -- it's all about connections. Kind of like the real world. Life lessons in pong? Who knew?
DO be a girl.
Girls rule, boys drool. Yep, what was a given in first grade rings true in 14th grade too! Whether they want to hook up with you or just get their flirt on, attractive girls are an in. I asked one Sig Ep about how being a girl affects one's chances, and I think he said it best: "Yes."
DO be an upperclassman.
Poor freshman boys. You guys never catch a break. As Ed Son '08, former president of Tri Kap said, "Your odds are good because you should know a brother at the places you go to hang out, unless you are a loser and have no friends."
DO be persistent and patient.
Good things come to those who wait. As the night goes on, the ratio of drunk people to sober people gets closer to one., and brothers tend to forget long lines. So, don't be afraid to assert yourself if someone jumps ahead. That quick bathroom break that turned into a half hour chat? Don't count on that table being there when you get back. Andy Son '09 of Phi Delta says, "A lot of non-brothers get frustrated when they have to wait so they often leave. If you call a table and hang out at the house, you are almost guaranteed to play."
DON'T be obnoxious.
"What won't help you is being obnoxious or getting pissed about pong. Sometimes people have to put things in perspective a little bit and calm down," Matt Cohen '10 of Psi U said. Yeah, I'm talking about those people who get in tennis position when receiving a serve. RELAX, BUDDY.
DON'T call multiple tables.
Mike Cesaro '10 of Chi Gam explained, "When I see people do that I get pretty angry because it screws up the lines so I just tell people they're 5th or something."
Just remember, pong isn't about facetime, it's about the love of the game. And winning. And impressing other people (but only for those tennis-stance newbies).
Grace is a writer for The Mirror. She calls next on table.
