Oh hey, 12-page Mirror. What's up? You're looking pretty fine these days. No, don't blush -- sure, you might have gained a few pages, but I like some curves on my paper. Gives me something to hold onto, know what I mean? You know what, we should play pong some time.
I mean, just to practice. I'd have to see your skills first, because pong is serious business. Winning percentages, sink percentages, clutch-ness -- do you have what it takes to be a champion?
These days at Dartmouth, we couldn't care less about winning percentage except in one area: the basement. And who could blame us -- pong is a lot like life. As Vince Lombardi said, "[Pong] requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority." (And by authority, I mean S&S. So kids, if you're under 21 put down The Mirror. You and I both know this issue doesn't concern you.)
Sports seasons come and go, and if it's a Dartmouth team they end especially early. The only constant athletic event we have in our lives is pong. With that in mind, our writers have explored every aspect of our favorite game with virgin eyes, sports-loving eyes and flirty eyes. By trying to understand this noble game, perhaps we'll understand a little more about who we are, as a college, as a community and as individuals.
Or not. Our writers just had some fun with pong -- we take investigative journalism very seriously at The Mirror.
And for those of you who haven't matriculated yet -- Hi '12s! -- what's in this issue is all you need to know about Dartmouth. "Glee Club Open House?" Bullshit.
