By Jilian Gundling
"DrunkMunchiesDisorder" has been a phenomenon rampant at Dartmouth since Food Court and Everything But Anchovies first came into existence. In the wee black hours of weekend nights, students from all corners of campus can be seen frantically picking up their cell phones and dialing for help, while other students stumble in droves, mouths foaming, to the safety of the Food Court Grill Line.
A chat with the Food Court Grill workers confirmed what any Dartmouth student intuitively knows: Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays are their busiest nights. Eric, a FoCo Grill cooks who preferred only to give his first name, has seen his fair share of the symptoms of DrunkMunchiesDisorder.
"We've had people drop-kick nuggets," he said. "Sometimes the drunk people just come up and say 'Make me something.' We've had people do basically anything you can think of in this line."
Jason Bessent, another Food Court Grill cooks, told of the excitement that the three main going-out nights usually offer for Food Court.
"We had someone who dropped her food on the ground," Bessent said. "We gave her new food and then she fell on the floor and dropped this new food. We've also had people come to the side of the grill and try to cook their own food."
According to Eric and Bessent, the commitment of Dartmouth students to this disorder is staggering.
"It's not necessarily how many kids there are in line," Eric said. "It's how drunk they are. A lot of these kids come drunk by five." He then laughed in admiration.
Aryn Gruneisen '09 is one student who has partaken in the pleasures of the Grill Line. When asked how many Dartmouth students she believed had DrunkMunchiesDisorder she responded, "It's not a disorder. It's like a gift from God."
While Gruneisen has never drop-kicked a nugget, she does name chicken nuggets as her late night weekend food of preference. "There are so many different sauces you can dip them in," Gruneisen said. "You just need a side of ranch and a side of ketchup and you're all set."
Another popular favorite of Gruneisen's is mozzarella sticks. "Most of my friends wake up and say, 'Why did I get three orders of mozarella sticks at 1 a.m. last night?'" Gruneisen said. According to Bessent and Eric, mozz sticks are the most commonly ordered item during the weekend.
Food Court offers instant gratification for students who still have motor coordination, but EBAs remains the choice of students who are reclining in a post-pong stupor. For many students, the EBAs phone number is at the top of their speed dial.
According to Maureen Dowd Bogosian, president and founder of Everything But Anchovies, EBAs receives an average of 100 calls between midnight and 2 a.m. on a typical Friday or Saturday. "We also get about 20 calls per weekend night right at 2:00," said Bogosian. "That is why we take calls until 2:10."
And what is the most popular enabler of this disorder? Buffalo Chicken Pizza. In Bogosian's estimation, this is the most commonly ordered item on Friday or Saturday nights.
However, many students prefer to combine the buffalo chicken pizza with other classic favorites. One of Gruneisen's most memorable EBA's nights was when she split a large buffalo chicken pizza, large mozzarella sticks and large chicken nachos with three of her friends.
When asked if she thinks students stop to ponder the calories, Gruneisen had this to say: "Most students are very cognizant of the fact that pong is a lot of calories. But after playing enough pong, they are still going to order EBAs and eat their feelings."
Eat on Dartmouth. Eat on.
Jilian is a staff writer for The Mirror.
