From togas to tackies, at Dartmouth we spend most of our social lives playing dress up. Strange? Maybe. Even stranger? When Dartmouth students have to wear real clothes. Ty Moddelmog '08 summed up Dartmouth's "basement style" geniusly saying, "In the basement the idea is, 'How can I make 'em think dirty thoughts in clothes that I don't mind dirtying?'" I would further clarify that this describes the basement fashion of the Dartmouth female, whereas for the Dartmouth male (with the exception of my favorite variety, the metrosexual) basement fashion is more like a lack thereof. They have the granite of New Hampshire in their brains, and they dress to show it -- most often as a lumberjack. When you see a Dartmouth frat boy in a button down shirt, you know he is busting out the big guns.
However, the Dartmouth imperative to look fashionable and normal while frolicking in a sea of beer, urine and fecal matter often results in confusion and fashion blunders. Students choose their clothes thinking that they are going to convey a certain image about themselves and the message received by others is often astronomically different -- sort of like a drunken game of Telephone. Let's look at some examples:
The guy wearing the sombrero for no reason. He thinks he is saying: "I'm a super funny dude, and did you know I'm a senior?" Dartmouth female's reaction: "What an overgrown, awkward dude."
The girl who spent three hours perfecting her "casual look" and selecting the perfect shade of blue tank, the perfect silver Tiffany's necklace and the perfect pair of jeans she bought in the pre-teen section. She thinks it says: "I am low-maintenance, and don't care about how I look -- I just roll out of bed beautiful and dainty. And I have such a fast metabolism, I just can't gain weight!" Everyone else looks at her and thinks: "Eat a cheeseburger."
The guy in a baseball cap and a tee with his fraternity logo. He thinks: "I look exactly like all of the other lumberjacks in my frat, and no one can see my hat-head or receding hairline." Dartmouth female thinks: "I know you haven't showered in four days and that you're well on your way to bald."
The girl in white jeans, a light green cotton tee and earrings of the same color. She think it says: "I'm springtime casual and cool." He thinks she is saying: "Please take me to the BEMA and try to have sex with me. And can I wear your super-cool sombrero afterwards?"
The girl dressed in khakis, a white tank and turquoise jewelry. She thinks she is saying: "I'm simple and sort of earthy, tan and healthy." Everyone else thinks: "I know that you will spend the whole evening binge-drinking, culminating in you trying to crip walk while everyone else points at you and laughs."
The girl in a halter top and two-sizes too big low-riding jeans. She thinks she is saying: "Look how much weight I lost on my LSA." Everyone else wonders: "Why did she come back from Italy cross-eyed?"
The girl in an empire-waist dress over tights and boots. She thinks: "This way I can drink however much I want and no one will see my potbelly." Dartmouth male thinks: "It's always the sloppiest girls in the dresses. This one will definitely go home with me."
The girl with purple eyeshadow up to her eyebrows. She thinks: "I am totally giving him come-hither eyes, and I am def going to h.u. tonight." He thinks: "Why is she dressed like a clown? Did someone forget to tell me this was a costume party?"
Girl wearing glasses in the basement. Everyone thinks: "Wow, that girl is so chill, she doesn't even care what anyone thinks of her." She knows: "I have conjunctivitis."
The girl in Seven jeans and a Juicy hoody. Everyone thinks: "Just another Kappa." She knows: "I had already played two games of harbour this afternoon, and it would have been way too difficult to get dressed with any sort of creativity."
The variations are endless, but the point is that basement dressing at Dartmouth is difficult. I am unable to give all of you the secret to success (God knows I have enough trouble myself), but I can offer several pieces of advice. Don't mix brown and black leather; don't mix navy and black ever (both of these things are as painful as the sound of nails on a chalkboard). Buy bigger jeans or longer shirts--no one likes a muffin top. If you want to look like a New York private school chick just pile on lots of layers and some long necklaces. An overpriced tanktop (you can find those in abundance at Juliana's) with jeans is always a winning Dartmouth combo. Something with the Lacoste alligator on it will make any guy look preppy, with just the right amount of pretentious. Save your plaid for the library and don't bring your Hard Tails into the basement (they aren't flattering for anyone anyways). And the over-21 bracelet is by far the hottest accessory of the season.
Katherine is a staff writer for The Mirror. Ty Moddelmog is not.
