If Karl Marx were a female undergraduate at Dartmouth College, he would be wearing leggings. Leggings are the accessory of the people. The women people, that is. All of the obstacles that make good style elusive, elitist or simply impossible at Dartmouth are solved by this magic accessory known as leggings. Let me explain.
Are you sick of being told, "Beauty is pain," of ignoring the irritating sensations caused by too-tight low-riding jeans, too-high high-heels, dental floss shoved up your butt crack, corset-tops that don't let you breathe and various other torture devices masquerading under the guise of fashion? But are you still not ready to resort to looking sloppy in sweatpants and pajamas in the name of comfort? Leggings, I say! With their soft second-skin feel and their expandable elastic waistline, they are the height of comfort. You can bend your body every which way and feel great while doing it!
Is global warming confusing your seasonal style sense? What is a girl to do when it's too cold for a mini-skirt but too warm for long pants? Leggings are perfect in all seasons. In a place where skirts are practically outlawed for over half of the year, leggings make it possible not to have to do without this beloved feminine fashion item. Leggings can be insulating when the wind blows, never letting in a draft of cold air, while still (tastefully) showing off shapely legs under a skirt.
Are you a frequent victim of the plumber's crack, the evil cousin of low-rise jeans? Never fear -- leggings are usually high cut and stay in place. No one will ever have to see your crack again.
Maybe you gained the freshman fifteen (or twenty, or thirty), or maybe you just have "athletic thighs"? Let's face it, blue jeans are not the most flattering material. Too tight, they are unforgiving and can cause lumpiness; too loose, they are asexual and look sloppy. For more substantial body types, leggings are a great alternative -- they look good on everyone and always come in black, a color everyone knows is slimming. Not to mention the fact that the waistband comes up high enough to have a tummy-tuck effect.
Suppose you don't have the finances to buy a different pair of shoes for every outfit, a different bottom for every top. Leggings go with flats, boots and sneakers, and they'll also look chic with pretty much anything in your closet whether cotton, silk, or wool, blouse, dress or sweater. They come in every color imaginable, so they are an inexpensive way to throw some variety and flare into your wardrobe.
The best part about leggings? The fact that pretty much every Dartmouth female I interviewed loves them. Tall or short, thin or heavy -- leggings make us all feel beautiful while allowing us to show off our sticks during the cold half of the year. How dare anyone try to take that away from us? They are the great fashion equalizer.
And yet, there are haters (even haters who purportedly hate on other haters) claiming that it's just "too cold" for leggings here in Hanover. That we women-folk should give up this crazy mission of "trying to look cute" and crawl into a hole and die during the six months of Hanover winter. That we, or leggings, aren't tough enough.
Women of Dartmouth, I urge you to revolt, and I'm sure old Karl is right there with me! Stand up for your right to look cute, despite oppositional weather conditions. Stand up for your right to be comfortable each day, every day. Refuse to retire your skirts and dresses come October. Dartmouth is a college of the people, and leggings are here to stay.
Katherine is a staff writer for The Mirror. Max Engels was not available for comment at press time.
