What if you went on a freshman tour where strange men kidnapped a prospie, stripped him to his underwear, duct taped his hands and shoved him out of a van? Or on a DOC trip where crazy Dartmouth-hating through hikers tied a freshman to a tree?
A lot of upperclassmen execute elaborate, carefully schemed pranks, but none are quite so over-the-top, controversial or protracted as The Fake Kidnapping.
I sat down with one junior male -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- and listened as he described getting pranked three years ago as a prospective student on a tour at Dimensions.
"I don't remember much about Dimensions, but I remember everything about the tour. It was actually one of the things that made me want to come to Dartmouth," he said.
It began when the then-prospie saw a Dartmouth student holding a sign on the Green. "There was a guy standing on the green with a sign that said 'Unofficial tour of Dartmouth,'" he said. "There were also two guys with a megaphone."
The student and a group of other prospies lined up eagerly for the tour. After leading the prospies through the library, the tour guides brought them to Frat Row. It was here that the tour unveiled its first unexpected twist -- the guides began making fun of other frats and getting in fights with the brothers that came out of houses.
"I was like 'Wow, these guys are really intense,'" he said. "I found out later that all of these guys fighting were from the same frat."
The real essence of the prank, however, began when a black van sped down the street. "Two or three guys in military costumes got out, grabbed one of the prospies and threw him in the van," he said. "It happened really quickly. Everyone was in disbelief. All the girls were freaking out."
The prospie who was kidnapped was a Dartmouth student posing as a prospie. "They had planned the prank really well because I had actually met the fake prospie during a Dimensions event a few days before," he said. "I recognized him so I thought he was a real prospie. I was like 'Shit, what happened to my friend?'"
Despite the alarmed questions of several prospies, the tour continued. "The tour guides were like, 'It's too bad, but the tour must go on. He'll probably be okay.'"
The climax of the prank occurred at the end of the tour when the van pulled up and pushed out the kidnapped prospie. "He was in his boxers and his hands were taped. He seemed like he was crying and yelled 'I hate Dartmouth.' He took off running down Wheelock street."
None of the prospies suspected the incident was a prank. "People were like 'He's never going to come to Dartmouth now!' Another prospie was like 'But he has to! He applied early decision!' A few seconds later someone was like 'We should go after him!'"
Because the rest of the prospies refused to leave the tour until they found out what had happened to their fellow prospie, the tour guides finally explained that it was a prank and that the kidnapped prospie was really a Dartmouth student and friend of theirs. "People relaxed after they explained it was a prank and everyone thought it was pretty funny," he said.
In the end, the junior male described the prank as a wonderful introduction into Dartmouth's keen sense of humor. "It was all in good fun and was very well thought out."
The formula of fake underclassmen + kidnapping = epic prank was also used in the classic story of the 2003 DOC raid. Lauren Maybard '05 said that she and her fellow trip leader planted a fake trippee into their group. On the second day of the trip, the fake trippee went to get water from a river and then came back to the group upset; he said that two through hikers had yelled at him and told him they couldn't stand Dartmouth kids. None of the trippees suspected that this was all part of a set-up.
Later that night the two students posing as through hikers came to the campsite of the DOC group and threatened the group. The next morning the fake trippee woke up before everyone else and left the campsite. When the group awoke, he was gone. After the trip leaders pretended to be very distraught, the group decided to keep going.
Much to the dismay of the trippees, they found an eco-mug and sweatshirt strewn on the ground later in the day.
Jacob Crumbine '07, a real trippee on the infamous DOC trip, described his reactions as the prank unfolded. "When the trippee first went missing, I initially thought that he was playing the joke on us and that it had nothing to do with the 'through hikers,'" he said. "Then when we found the eco-mug and his sweatshirt, I thought they had actually taken him."
When the other trip leader went to pick the mug up, "Jacob said, 'No! Don't! We might need it for fingerprints," Maynard recalled.
The stress of the prank mounted until the trippees came upon the fake trippee tied to a tree. When they got close to him, he told them suddenly, "It's a trap." Immediately, the fake through hikers jumped out of the bushes and the trippees started running. "When I first saw him tied up I 100 percent thought it was for real and that they had in fact tied him up and beaten him," Crumbine said. "Three [trippees] started crying. One guy dropped his backpack and lunged for the 'hikers' about to tackle them, while the rest of us ran in the opposite direction."
Crumbine, however, explains how the distressed trippees were soon told by the leaders it was a prank. "The few that were scared right when the 'hikers' came running towards us were quickly put at ease by our leaders and the 'hikers.'"
"We told them it was a prank and then we had a good breakfast," Maynard said.
Like the victims of the tour guide prank, the trippees who fell prey to this prank eventually appreciated the cleverness and elaborateness of the scheme. "I thought it was funny and a very well executed prank," Crumbine said. "Obviously, a line exists with pranks and this one in particular toed that line quite close. Overall, everyone had a pretty good sense of humor about it."
