I hate game playing. I think it's retarded. It's a waste of time. Being direct is the easiest and most efficient way to get what you want in every other aspect of life, so why should the matter of courtship be any different?
It shouldn't, but it is. In an ideal world, the masses would come together and collectively declare that the jig is up and from then on it would be okay to be direct and honest with the people we're digging on, but that's just not the case. Instead we engage in bizarro mating rituals where we never say exactly what we mean and seldom do what we are actually compelled to do unless it fits into our greater strategy of seduction. These games are designed to prevent us from appearing too eager, hide our vulnerabilities and shield ourselves from rejection.
I'm not sure if this is a novel idea or not, but it seems to me that maybe rejection isn't that bad after all. Sure, getting shot down sucks. Egos bruise easier than peaches. But isn't it better to be straight about things and get a definitive answer right away than to allow ourselves to be strung along for an indeterminate period of time, fueled by the abstract possibility that maybe, just maybe, they might feel the same? I for one would prefer a swift slap in the face. Hey, if they don't want you, you probably shouldn't want them anyway.
I say this not because I think you're awesome (though I suppose you might be), but because I think that's kind of the way love works. Each of us fashions our identity and character according to the dictates of our values. We are who we are chiefly because that's who we choose to be. The people we're attracted to are reflections of these same values, as they are embodied in another person. Therefore it stands to reason that if someone can't recognize what is great about you, you probably wouldn't find them all that great either, once you got to know them.
I guess that's the caveat here; you'd have to actually know them to figure that out. Dartmouth's social institutions do not readily lend themselves to getting to know people, mainly because we are all so frequently and heavily intoxicated. Bonding over pong victories does not offer any actual insight into who a person is.
So I guess it can sting more than a little when the dude/chick you took home last Tuesday is avoiding your gaze in the Collis pasta line. So what do we do? We pretend we don't care. We write them off as an ass and swear never to blitz them, not even in a moment of drunken, horny weakness. We castigate ourselves when our minds wander over to residual imagery of how good they looked in (or out of) their shorts. (Thank you Springtime.) But then Mr./Ms. Meat Sauce with a Touch of Alfredo (you knew they had good taste) must have just been suffering from a common form of Daze-itis during your non-encounter because you come home to find their name atop your inbox. Double click. "Great hanging with you the other night. I can't believe those asstart freshmen almost beat us at pong. You could probably use some more practice."
Shit. No question mark. Everyone knows that a proper post-tryst blitz must include a question to ensure continued communication. But wait! Maybe the practice comment was something of an invitation...
And so begins The Game. Close your computer and step away slowly. Do some yoga breathing. Chill out.
It has occurred to me after reading the bagillion survey comments on this topic that all of our angst about appearing overeager seems misplaced. The bottom line is that if someone is into you, they're going to be psyched if you come on to them, but they may be discouraged if you don't express your interest. If someone is not into you they're not going to be psyched if you come on to them, whether you come on strong or if you pussyfoot around it. The way you play the game matters a whole lot less than the amount of time and energy we devote to it would indicate it should. This time is better spent honing your own personal awesomeness so that everyone will want to sleep with you or date you or both. And while we're on the self-improvement train, some skin thickening might be in order.
