When I was a kid somebody told me that old saying, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive," and it stuck with me. I try to never lie. My commitment to honesty isn't really based on any of that self-righteous crap involving our profound philosophical obligation to truth. It's more because of the fact that lying is harder than telling the truth. When you lie, you have to remember what you've lied about and keep up the farce. When you tell the truth, there's no work involved. No work is okay by me. We have been told over and over again that honesty is the best policy, but this week's survey results indicate that more than a few of us aren't exactly laying our cards on the table when it comes to sexual climax.
The female orgasm can be highly elusive. Many women are incapable of climaxing from intercourse alone, and some choose to fake it in order to get things over with. This is old news. We've all seen "When Harry Met Sally." We know the deal. What's more interesting perhaps is that it's not just the ladies who are faking. I was pretty surprised to find that a full 30 percent of the male respondents reported having faked an orgasm.
Now I know you're thinking, "That's really weird. I didn't even know dudes could fake orgasms." While considerably more difficult during oral or manual sex, if a man wears a condom during intercourse, he can fake it just as easily as a woman. Unless his partners are into inspecting used condoms (creepy?) the absence of ejaculate can easily go unnoticed.
One male respondent points out that the male faux-rgasm isn't exactly the same as the female variety. "Men don't usually 'fake it' in the same sense as women. It's just that if its round three for the night, or dude's been drinkin' a bit, or some combination thereof, the sex feels great, but the effort to get to the finish line (if it's even attainable) just isn't worth it."
A female commentator also points out the role of alcohol in her analysis of the greater stigmas surrounding male orgasms: "There seems to be much more of a stigma associated with males faking orgasm, for both the male and the female he is with. This may be because it is perceived that men can orgasm from practically anything, so it is embarrassing for the female who does not get him to."
She continues, "It is also embarrassing for the men because of this perception, since if they don't really orgasm they might be thought of as less manly, or perhaps homosexual. In reality, at Dartmouth most of the time this problem is due to alcohol consumption, but this generally prevents much sexual intercourse at all."
Many commentators, both male and female, were quick to point out that while obviously important, the orgasm isn't everything. Sex can still be highly enjoyable, even if there is no grand finale. One female respondent offers, "Just because I am faking an orgasm, it doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself. Acting out an orgasm is fun and sexual and is prompted by the fun of sex ... it's just not orgasmic -- which is ok. For most guys, it's all about the orgasm. With girls, that's not so."
From the perspective of a male respondent, who would seem to agree: "I realize that many girls do not necessarily get off from intercourse. However, this does not mean they haven't had a good time. This is in contrast to a male, who, if he doesn't get off, is usually not having good experience. Thus, if during intercourse the girl does not get off (which has happened), but seems to still have a good time, I don't take it personally at all."
While faking once in a while may seem relatively harmless, if it becomes consistent that probably means there's a problem. If you're sleeping with someone you should be able to openly talk to them about what works for you and what doesn't. Chances are they'll be grateful for your insights.
30 percent of male respondents report having faked an orgasm, as compared with 60 percent of females.
59 percent of sexually active females report that they do not usually have orgasms from sexual intercourse, as compared with 7 percent of sexually active males.
55 percent of females and 34 percent of males believe that their current or most recent partner definitely has not faked an orgasm during a sexual encounter.
On a scale from one to ten, where one means "not important" at all and 10 means "extremely important," 41 percent of males responded with 10 when asked how important it was to have done a good job pleasuring their partners. The most popular response from females was a score of eight, given by 28 percent of the respondents.
When asked to predict what percentage of females had faked orgasms, the most popular response of female respondents was 76-99 percent. 37 percent of female students gave this response. The most popular response among the males was 51-75 percent, given by 39 percent of the respondents.
When asked to predict what percentage of males had faked orgasms, 64 percent of female respondents and 66 percent of male respondents predicted that it was between one and 25 percent.
Total respondents: 623
