The topic du jour is questions of quantity. In the past week I've had two papers, two exams, one quiz, one trip to California and two sleepless nights (not the good kind). You probably have some midterms too. In light of that fact, I've decided to do us both a favor and forgo the profound analyses that you have become so accustomed to over the arduous course of my two previous columns. After all, you had best save the energy that would have otherwise been devoted to deciphering the double entendre of my words and their implications in the greater geopolitical context for that English problem set you've been slaving over. The plan is to rely on survey respondents' comments accompanied by some relevant yet concise commentary of my own. Hopefully this will tide you over until I complete five consecutive hours of sleep and one night of binge drinking so that I can return to normal functioning.
This week the female respondents' commentary ranged from the quick and catchy ("Sex can wait, masturbate!") to the long-winded but insightful:
"Dartmouth students are very economical with their time when it comes to sex. Ideally, I believe most students would like to be in a monogamous relationship, but most of us have too much work to invest ourselves in one. More than one night stands, I've noticed that Dartmouth students want to have consistent hook-up buddies that they try not to have feelings for and who they adamantly insist they are not in a relationship with. This requires the least investment of personal resources with the most consistent reward for inputed time, although ultimately, it is a lonely way to find sexual gratification, and often, it is not very gratifying. "
While I think the above respondent has pretty much got it right, there was certainly a diversity of views presented. Many of the women who offered commentary expressed either a high frequency of sexual activity or a desire for such. As one voracious commentator said, "I am a sexual machine, and I have sex or masturbate several times per day, every day. I sleep around as much as I can, because true freedom and pleasure does not know limits. I think this is pretty typical of a Dartmouth girl." The survey data seems to indicate that this particular commentator may not be quite as representative of the norm as she thinks. As one girl says, "Finding someone to have sex with is easy; finding someone who you'd want to lose your virginity to -- not so much."
According one female respondent. it's also difficult to casually hook-up without it leading to sex. "Though it is not impossible, it automatically feels like you are being a tease by not necessarily putting out," she said.
Many of the male commentators echoed conventional stereotypes about the male desire to be promiscuous. As one respondent lays it down, "We're in college -- we didn't come here to learn, we came here to get laid." Another respondent -- who probably should be castrated -- says, "relationships are overrated. I get all the free sex I want, when I want it, where I want it, HOW I want it, with freshman girls that are virgins and too stupid to know, uuuuh huuuuuuuuuh."
Some male respondents expressed dissatisfaction with the Dartmouth hook up culture. As one man says, "The Dartmouth hook-up scene is characterized by selfishness, insecurity and immaturity. Random, meaningless sex here is hardly even worthwhile." Others find that Dartmouth offers nonsexual alternatives: "Because of the Christian faith community at Dartmouth I have been able to find pleasure, intimacy and relationships in things other than sex. I just don't need or desire it anymore."
Some bemoan just not being able to seal the deal: "I'm a virgin purely due to awkwardness no amount of Keystone can eliminate and recognize that I am in a very, very small minority here," one male says. Perhaps he'll feel comforted by the fact that the very small minority he speaks of is not that small -- 19 percent of male respondents also said they had never had sex. Another respondent comments that, in typical Dartmouth style, pong helps him get laid. "Finding a partner for consistent sex at Dartmouth is very difficult unless you've lost at least 4-6 games of tree within at least one hour."
As last week's survey indicated, there is more monogamy going at Dartmouth on than popular stereotypes would have us believe. One guy who has hopped on the one-gal-only train sees this working to his advantage. "Since I'm better at monogamy than frat hookups, sex is not always available to me, but when it rains, it pours."
- Twenty-nine percent of female respondents report that they have never had sex, compared to 17 percent of males.
-Forty-one percent of females report having one-three partners, as compared to 47 percent of males. Sixteen percent of females and 14 percent of males report having had 4-6 partners. Ten percent of females and 15 percent of males have had seven or more partners.
-Nineteen percent of female respondents reported that finding a partner for casual sex at Dartmouth is "very easy", as compared to only three percent of males. Twenty-four percent of females and 16 percent of males feel it is "easy".
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Twenty-one percent of female respondents reported that finding a partner for consistent sex at Dartmouth is "difficult", with 26 percent of males agreeing. Nine percent of females and 11 percent of males believe it is "easy", and seven percent of females and 10 percent of males feel it is "very difficult."
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Fifty-six percent of both male and female students believe their level of promiscuity as compared to other Dartmouth students to be "below average." Only eight percent of females and 12 percent of males believe their level of promiscuity to be above average.
