A little over three weeks ago, something happened that may have changed my entire perspective on life. The NFL playoffs were still in fullswing, and my beloved New Orleans Saints were looking to defy the course of their entire history and advance to the Super Bowl. Of course, since this was the Saints, this could not actually happen; a Saints Super Bowl is one of the signs of the apocalypse and would bring upon us the End of Days. Instead, God decided letting the Saints get to the conference finals was enough karmic payback for Katrina for now, and that he really wanted to see what happens with Jim and Pam on The Office before putting an end to everything. (I believe he even sometimes enters those frightful IMDB messageboards and posts threatening notes about what he might do if Jim keeps it up with Karen).
I was of course depressed at this point, as I was under the delusion that there was a snowball's chance in hell that the Saints could actually pull this off. I then proceeded to drown my sorrows for the next few hours in a manner that would make Dylan Thomas, Charles Bukowski and Barney Gumble proud.When I regained mental faculties to begin studying recaps of the game on Deadspin, I saw a rumor too good to be true: Rage Against the Machine was reuniting for one show.
The personal significance of this event for me dates back to the carefree days of middle school, the time when everyone was "dating" despite the important "lack of a vehicle" -- in other words, we thought we were much older than we actually were. For me, this behavior manifested itself in my choice in music. Rage Against the Machine's "Evil Empire" was the first album with a "Parental Advisory" label I was able to sneak past my parents (I convinced them that since the lyrics were political, I was actually learning! Knowledge is Power! Reading is Fundamental!) and it would also mark a divergence in musical tastes between me and my friends. While my friends would soon begin to take up arms as part of the No Limit Crew (UUUUUUUUUUGGGH!), I firmly put my foot in the rock camp, where I reside to this day.
Rage was the first band to which I became devoted. Zach's unique delivery was mesmerizing, as I puzzled over such bizarre statements as "Is all the world jails and churches?" and "So make a move and plead the fifth cause you can't plead the first." The more I listened, the more I would become impressed with Brad's inventive drumming and Timmy C's steady bass counterpoint. Of course, I was mostly astounded by Tom Morello's groundbreaking guitar, from the amazing sounds-like-a-turntable-but-is-really-a-guitar solo in "Bulls On Parade" to his tweeting-bird guitar opening to "Revolver." As a unit, the group made truly original music that was unmatched by any other hard rock band of the '90s.
Unfortunately, when the remaining members of Rage formed Audioslave with Chris Cornell in 2001, they formed a band that would become the very definition of "wasted potential." They combined forces with the greatest rock vocalist that we have seen in years, a man who had the perfect combination of range and volume (just take a listen to the final chorus of "Say Hello 2 Heaven" and any arguments to the contrary will be dropped), was behind one of the other great '90s bands, Soundgarden, and wrote amazing songs like "Burden In My Hand." The results should have been legendary.
Instead, Brad and Tim contributed absolutely nothing, Cornell droned on about new age spirituality and Tom dicked around on his guitar, recycling every sound he ever made with a whammy pedal. Audioslave was unfailingly mediocre -- they were not as bad as their harshest critics would believe, nor were they anything remarkable. But one always had hope that they could shape up, and they had their moments -- "Shadow On The Sun" is a great song, and the b-side "We Got the Whip" showed what Rage + Cornell should have been. It was so frustrating that my friends and I were planning on sending them old Soundgarden and Rage albums with a note saying "See! You can sound as effing awesome as these guys!"
Well, now it's official: Audioslave is dead, and modern rock radio will have to find a new way to get an easy hit to flood the airwaves. And the band that should have been around during the Bush years to warn us about everything (as the Onion headline said, "Where Are You, Rage Against the Machine, When We Need You Most?") is now reuniting as the Democrats begin to regain power. (Is this some sort of strange political conspiracy?) Now I just need a find a way to get tickets.
