Novack, Wednesday, 9:15 a.m.: Ladies and gentlemen, it has already been one of those weeks. I'm sure you understand. Rush has totally hijacked my brain (or whatever's left of it after two years of membership at Delta Delta Destruction). I'm over-committed, under-caffeinated and I have about one hour to write this column -- one hour dissected into tiny five-minute fragments and scattered across my so-busy/so-important/so-sorority-rushed schedule.
Have I mentioned that I'm overwhelmed? I'm telling you, today is as packed as a lip at Heorot. I have an appointment with Career Services at 10, a class during 11's, a conference with the Collis stir-fry line at 12:30, Music 3 at 2, office hours with Prof. Mathis (no relation), Spinning (hammer!) and then (cue: drum roll) Part II of Round I of Sorority ("Ebola Virus") Rush (5:30 - Midnightish). Okay, gotta go. (BRB!!!)
Collis, 12:40 p.m.: Running late! The stir-fry line was almost as crowded as the Career Services office, so I decided to forfeit and settle for this easily accessible soup. I figure I should develop a taste for soup since it is all I'm going to be able to afford to eat for the rest of my life (according to "The Man" over at Career Services).
After my hike to the Bank of America building (so ... far ... away), I swung by American Prose (11:15-12:20). Today, we discussed Ralph Waldo Emerson's essay "Self-Reliance" and Ben Franklin's autobiography, "The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin."
It's really fun to be in a class where you learn about things that are actually half-relevant to your life. For instance, I just found out that I have a lot in common with Emerson and Franklin! Ralph Waldo also decided not to do corporate recruiting when he was my age (and he turned out okay) and Big Ben kept diaries cataloguing his daily activities -- just like this one!
Yes, in an effort to achieve a more ideal existence, Big Frank woke up obscenely early every morning, grabbed a Novack latt, and drew up a play-by-play game plan for the day. As time expired, Ben would put little checkmarks next to each virtue he exemplified and task he accomplished. When he finished inventing things like bifocals, the lightning rod and swimming flippers, he made note of these feats in his diary. When he was through with the American Revolution and the Enlightenment, he crossed those duties off his to-do list. When he was done parading around in a giant Hostess Ding-Dong costume at his sorority rush "Candyland!" party, he kicked back a few Sam Adams, took a brief vacation from reality and jumped into his lobster gear just in time for Round II: "Under the Sea!" And that's how America became the country we know and love today.
Music 3, Faulkner Recital Hall, 1:45 p.m.: I hope my professor doesn't judge me for having a computer on my lap right now. Hopefully, he'll just figure I'm taking extremely detailed notes on this lecture about typewriters. I should make my best effort to periodically look up, squint my eyes and nod. Here I go!
Uh-oh. He's shooting me the "nice try, but I know you're blitzing randos" look. Gah! Should I raise my hand and explain to him that I'm just trying to fulfill the Dartmouth ideal of hyper-productivity? I'm simultaneously fulfilling two obligations here! I'm practically rubbing my tummy and patting my head! Two birds are about to be lying dead on the floor and guess how they're gonna be killed? Okay, fine. I'll put my computer away. Actually, first I'm checking Facebook. It'll be quick, I swear. (I don't want people seeing that I'm logged in, anyway.)
Hmm, looks like my fellow seniors Anoop Rathod and Shala Byers just joined the group "Dinosaur Deniers." Interesting. OMG, I got poked! Wait, did I just say that out loud? Okay, I've blown my cover. This is ... embarrassing.
Office Hours, 3 p.m.: I'm sitting in the waiting room at the English Department, so I thought I'd take a moment to bust out my laptop and vent to you about how I always feel like such a suck-up when I go to office hours. Seriously. Office hours are for suck-ups. Anyway, I can't remember if Professor Mathis likes Granny Smith or not ... maybe I should sprint to Thayer and grab a McIntosh just in case. Oops, here she is! Laterrrr.
Spinning P.E., 5:15 p.m.: I didn't give her the apple, after all. I got hungry in the middle of our meeting, so I decided to eat it myself. Now I gotta burn those calories! Spinning is so hardcore! This country music isn't very motivating, though. I'm tired. Meh, I'll just turn down the resistance and pretend it's cranked up really high. No one will know I'm being lazy as long as I make exhausted facial expressions.
Who finds this music, anyway? Is this that song from "Hey Dude?" It's a little wild and a little straaange ... Balancing my laptop on the handle of this bike isn't exactly an easy task, but I gotta get this column polished off in time, or else --
Rush Party, 6 p.m.: Not only have I broken my laptop but I've also shattered my previously undefeated record of making all of my editor's 5:00 p.m. deadlines. Even worse: I can't get that fricking "Hey Dude" song out of my head. Now I have to stand here in the middle of this crowded sorority wearing this gaudy Rainbow Bright costume while typing at a limping-tortoise rate on a busted computer between conversations as half-baked as these cupcakes. (Delicious frosting, though.)
Deliberations, Carson L01, 10:50 p.m. -- 3 a.m. (Not even kidding.): She's cool. She's cool. She's cool. She's cool. She's cool. She's cool. She's ... Is it seriously midnight already? She's okay. Oh man, I'm losing energy. That girl sucks! Novack must be closed by now. Gosh darn. Hmm, that giant, walking Hostess pastry over there is looking pretty good right now. Wait ... what the frick? Ben Franklin's not a Tridelt! We dinged that Ding-Dong last year! Am I hallucinating? What's he doing out at 3 in the morning? He's gotta get up early tomorrow! (Cut to: me passing out.)
- StillHaven'tDoneMyHomework
