Dear Hannah and Anna,
I've really been crushing on this girl lately. She lives on my hall and we've gone through a full year of flirty banter. This weekend, we finally hooked up. Everything was going well, but I was really tired and unfortunately I fell asleep mid-hook up. I was mortified and thought that for sure she'd never go for me again, but the next night, we went to a party together and ended up going back to her room. We were both crunked and I ended up booting mid-hook up. She said not to worry and that it happens to everyone, but I'm really afraid I've screwed up forever with her.
Help me!
Missing my Mojo, in Streeter
Dear Missing-your-Mojo,
Interesting. Very, very interesting. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while, and an occasional hook-up faux pas is understandable, nay, even expected. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Even the most suave and sophisticated young adults have made foreplay fouls of their own. Some fall out of bed, some knock things over, some even get their braces caught at the 7th grade Annual Spring dance while gettin' down to the funky sounds of "Da Dip" by Freaknasty. (Obviously, we've never done anything like this. Really. No, really. Stop looking at us like that.) However, two "hook-up oopsies" in one weekend is serious business, especially with the same girl. Therefore, if you are really interested in this chick, you're going to need to make it up to her ... big time. The following suggestions may be of some help:
1.Bake her a batch of delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies and place them outside her door with a note that says, "Hope these taste better than the ones I tossed last night." Every time she takes a bite, she'll think of how mm-mm-good you are.
2.A strong, mature and often successful way to deal with awkwardness is to turn it into good highbrow humor! Being able to laugh at yourself shows resilience in the face of oppression. Post funny messages on her Facebook wall like, "Sorry I vomited on your face, b*tch." Everybody thinks that's funny and not disrespectful at all. Soon you'll be thought of as not only suave, but also hysterical!
3.Discretely slip some moldy milk into her morning bowl of Cheerios. Then when she voms, hold back her hair and say "It's okay. It really only happens to soulmates. The couple that voms together stays together."
4.Ask her friends what her favorite romantic comedy is. Then simply plagiarize the actions of the leading man. Have her meet you at the top of the "Baker Berry State Building." Bring your "young child" and his "teddy bear." You're sure to have many "Sleepless" nights "in Hanover" after this event -- wink wink. Or perhaps ... run into her support group meeting for recent "vommed on" ladies, and announce that she "completes you." We guarantee a response of "you had me at vomming on my face." Wow. It doesn't get any better than this, folks.
But the real question here is: Will Anna get an A on her government midterm? You ponder this, Dartmouth.
Until next time,
Hannah and Anna, selflessly dispensing advice to the socially awkward and confused (we know because we've been there).
