I've always been fascinated by the dating ritual. This impossibly complicated two-step has got everyone crazy and confused. They buy cologne and flowers, praying fervently that they won't say something awkward on the vital First Date. I've heard various opinions on whether or not Dartmouth has a good dating scene, and frankly, after a year of being in the pit of single students, I'm most inclined to agree with those who claim it's impossible here.
There seem to be several different categories into which almost every student can be placed: those with partners back home, those with partners on campus, and the largest group, comprised of single students. But strangely enough, there also seems to be life outside of Dartmouth, and I wonder, how does one find one's soul mate in the real world? Or, more specifically, can a soul mate be found in cyberspace?
The advent of eHarmony, match.com, and other such dating sites has revolutionized the world of love and marriage. I even saw a television commercial for a website solely devoted to pairing up individuals looking for marriage. How can a computer possibly tell you with whom you are supposed to spend the rest of your life?
Now, I know I shouldn't believe everything I see on television, but I'll admit, some of those commercials are pretty darn convincing. Plus, I've got living, breathing proof that sometimes, these services actually do work. My parents have a very close friend who met his current wife through one of the aforementioned sites; they have recently welcomed their first child into the world.
I am not opposed to being matched up with someone who's perfect for me -- then again, I don't exactly want a HAL 9000 picking my next partner, do I?
All it takes is fifteen minutes and a couple bucks, and you could be arranging the marriage of your dreams. But what the computer doesn't ask about are the subtleties, the sparks that make a relationship last -- or even start. You can be perfectly compatible with Mr. Right, but if there's no physical attraction, the relationship is doomed from the start.
And so, just out of sheer, masochistic curiosity, I logged on to eHarmony, took their survey, and got some rather disappointing results:
"We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match. Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched... We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."
At first, the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life seemed rather unappealing. And then I realized that all I would need to do is buy a big house, fill it with cats, and I would be set for life.
Truthfully, I have to admit that I wasn't too upset with eHarmony's inability to match me with a random internet stranger. As a friend of mine aptly put it, "That is the best possible news you could ever get from a site like that. You don't fit inside the box! Congratulations!" Another friend told me -- after she'd stopped laughing, of course -- that she wouldn't want to tell her grandchildren that she'd met their grandfather online through a service for which she had to pay.
And then there's always the possibility that, in forcing yourself into an online relationship, you could miss out on the rest of the world, on human interaction and possibly meeting the person who makes your heart skip a beat. I know if I were to use such a service, I'd forever be wondering about who I would have met and what I would have done had I not sought out a mate online.
So, it seems I'll have to go the old-fashioned route and find a soul mate on my own -- in person, sans technological help, that is. I spend too much time online anyway.
(On an unrelated note, feel free to drop any love letters in my BlitzMail inbox.)
