As I began to read David Berenson's column ["Decide for Yourself," The Dartmouth, Oct. 6] on the detrimental influence of fraternities on the Dartmouth campus, my vision began to blur and my head began to spin. No, this was not due to the rabid anger that tends to rise in my blood whenever I am exposed to another piece of preachy anti-fraternity propaganda, but rather the fact that I had just finished my 7th game of beer pong on a typical Tuesday night at my fraternity.
So strong was my dizziness, in fact, that I had to summon another one of my brothers to read the rest of the column aloud. Unfortunately, I "hosed" myself twice during the conclusion of the article, but happily I managed to contain my misfortune and keep it confined to my couch (which has been "hosed" on countless times before).
After devouring an obligatory late-night drunken frat guy snack (nachos and buffalo wings from EBAs, of course), my comrades and I resumed the topic of Berenson's column. For those wondering, we didn't talk about it while we were snacking, because frat boys are only capable of talking about sports or sex while eating.
At first we wanted blood. How dare he assail our ancient rights to: boot or hose whenever or wherever we please, be unintellectual elitists or (my personal favorite) testosterone-driven misogynist pigs. The remedy was clear -- we should march right over to his room and kick the crap out of him! That would teach him not to mess with us!
But alas, reason prevailed. One of my more sober cohorts (he had only played four games of pong) convinced us to spare Berenson's life and instead torment the fraternity down the road whose brothers have the audacity to have a higher house GPA than the campus at large. We made these dorks pay by hosing on, defacing or just plain stealing as much of their property as possible before we high-tailed it back home.
Feeling much better about ourselves after reaffirming the frat boy's rightful place at the center of the universe, we all returned to our rooms and promptly passed out (miraculously I avoided hosing myself for the remainder of the night).
In case you completely missed my point, I hope you didn't believe a word I wrote. And at the same time, I hope you didn't believe a word Berenson wrote the other day either.
Facts are facts, and I can't deny that some pretty juvenile and disgusting things go on at fraternities on this campus, but isolating these rare occasions of debauchery and generalizing from them is the easy way out.
I know that it's useless to run down a laundry list of all the redeeming qualities that fraternity life brings to the Dartmouth campus. Some people would agree with it and others wouldn't, and that's the way it should be -- because fraternity life isn't for everyone.
But at the same time, I'm sick and tired of people who feel they need to step forward and be our collective conscience by lecturing us about the harms of fraternity life. This includes not only Berenson, but also faculty and administrators who think its their god-given duty to pass on their official stances on Greek life.
The bottom line is that anyone who is intelligent enough to get into Dartmouth can surely make up their own mind about whether or not they should be in a fraternity or sorority. We need people spouting anti-frat or pro-frat nonsense about as much as we need people debating about which Jackson brother was cooler, Tito or Jermaine.
So when Berenson implored readers to make up their own minds, he didn't really mean that. He wanted to be the little devil sitting on your shoulder influencing your decision just as much as some overweight frat guy who wants to drink a shot with you and make you one of his brothers. I sincerely hope that you don't let Berenson make up your mind anymore than that frat guy with the bottle of Jack Daniels.
I hope that the next time Berenson has a moment of weakness and finds himself a little too drunk to walk home without wobbling across the campus Green, the kind souls at Safety and Security and Dick's House treat him with as much genuine care and compassion as my fraternity brothers would.
