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The Dartmouth
November 29, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Top 10 classic 'Seinfelds'

In the great run of "Seinfeld," which ends tomorrow night, we have all come to know and love several characters, quotes and scenes. Even the most uneven of episodes make their mark in some way. Can anyone forget Little Jerry, the Vault or George's shrinkage? Or how about Elaine's sponge-worthy qualifications, Jerry's infamous puffy shirt and Kramer's battle with tight jeans?

The best episodes not only contain a handful of these catch phrases and stellar scenes, they have a clear storytelling sense where everything coalesces into brilliant, first rate comedy. Here is what I believe are the top ten best "Seinfeld" episodes.

1. 'The Contest'

Is there really any question over this one? "The Contest" is the pinnacle of all "Seinfeld," dealing with the taboo subject of masturbation without ever saying the word. It not only is the best of the series' nine- year run, it ranks as one of the classic episodes of the sitcom genre, up there with Lucy working at the chocolate factory. Everything in this episode works and typifies the "Seinfeld" style. It has wit, slapstick, interweaving storylines and, most famous of all, the phrase: "Master of your domain."

2. 'The Outing'

Probably the most farcical of all the episodes is "The Outing," where an eavesdropping NYU reporter thinks that George and Jerry are gay. Every time they convince her otherwise, some unforeseen event or coincidence discredits them. This episode is the birth of the politically correct qualification, "Not that there's anything wrong with that," and provides some of the show's funniest topical humor.

3. 'The Bubble Boy'

"Bubble Boy" sends all the characters off in different directions, only to interweave in typical "Seinfeld" fashion. George, his girlfriend Susan, Jerry and Elaine all go off to Susan's cabin for the weekend, but not before planning to visit the Bubble Boy, one of Seinfeld's biggest fans. In his haste to make good time, George loses Jerry and Elaine on the highway and winds up having to deal with Bubble Boy alone. In the meantime, Kramer and Jerry's ex hightail it up to the cabin, expecting to meet the other four. The results are a diner showdown, a burning cabin and the bursting of the bubble. Quality stuff.

4. 'The Airport'

Nearly every aspect of "The Airport" is funny. From Jerry's comments on sundae composition to George's tiff with a convict, this episode is well crafted and highly inspired. It derives humor from identifiable experiences -- being stuck in crowded coach and watching first class through the slip of the curtain -- and supplements it with the zaniness of George and Kramer. The end result is a nearly flawless show.

5. 'The Junior Mint'

This is entering true classic territory now. Not only did this episode provide us with the image of a Junior Mint careening into the open wound of someone being operated on, but it gave us Dolores, or should we say Mulva? Jerry forgets his girlfriend's name, and his only clue is that is rhymes with a female body part. Needless to say, "The Junior Mint" deserves special credit for spawning a notorious sexual harassment lawsuit when a male office worker tried to explain the derivation of Dolores's name to a female co-worker.

6. 'The Yada Yada'

In the "Yada Yada" episode, not only was yet another catch-phrase popularized, but a strong story supported it as well. Dentist Tim Whatley converts to Judaism, giving him full joke immunity. The religious humor in this episode is sharp, from Jewish Jerry sitting on the kneeler in confession to the label, "anti-dentite." However, it is the final scene with Jerry's girlfriend that truly packs the ironic punch of this show.

7. 'The Implant'

Teri Hatcher makes quite an impression in "The Implant." She plays Jerry's well endowed girlfriend, Sidra. Her breasts entrance Jerry so much that he can't believe that they are real. Elaine falls on top of Sidra in a sauna, and after having copped an accidental feel, she concludes that they are indeed fake. She's wrong though, as Sidra proclaims in her great final scene: "They're real, and they're spectacular." Also in the episode is George's famous clash over chips and dip, thus popularizing the phrase "Double-dipping."

8. 'The Jimmy'

"The Jimmy" is a great blend of slapstick and wit. Jimmy is a guy at the gym who constantly talks in the third person, and when Elaine agrees to go out with him, she expects someone else. Throw in some funky shoes and Kramer being mistaken by Mel Torme as a mentally challenged person, and you have vintage "Seinfeld."

9. 'The Boyfriend'

"The Boyfriend," featuring Keith Hernandez, contains many classic moments. There's George running out of Jerry's bathroom with his pants around his ankles shouting "Vandelay Industries!" as Kramer botches his employment scam. There's the famous "JFK"-esque conspiracy that Newman and Kramer have against Hernandez, complete with "magic loogie." And of course, it is the first time Jerry ever says "Hello, Newman..."

10. 'The Rye'

This was a close one, with "The Puffy Shirt" and "The Pick" coming out as runners up to "The Rye," a hilarious mix of slapstick, class contrasts and ironic closure. After George's future in-laws, the WASPy Rosses, neglect to serve the Costanzas' marble rye at a dinner party, all hell breaks loose. This is classic Costanza/Ross animosity, but the real scene stealer is Jerry who, in an unforgettable scene, steals a marble rye from an old lady and then is seen trying to toss it to George high up in an apartment building.