So here I was, talking to Career Services about the details of phone interviewing. You see, I have one of those coming up soon so I wanted to be set on what to expect for this type of interview. I was hardly prepared for what I was told; phone interviews are in some ways more difficult than in-person interviews because the candidate can't use their presence or body language to score points. I would have to pay much more attention to the tone of my voice, the smoothness of my responses, and the details of the interview format (speaker-phone vs. normal, many interviewers vs. one).
I'd been expecting reassurances such as, "Oh don't worry about it, you can slouch in your seat, be scratching yourself in inappropriate places, have notes in front of you while talking, and also ... you won't have to worry about giving the interviewer a fishy handshake."
Now, I distinctly remember this part of my Career Services summer seminar on job-hunting, in which we discussed the crucial detail of handshaking. Preferably, one can give the interviewer a firm handshake which allegedly symbolizes personal strength and aggressiveness, not a fishy, limp handshake. The women at the seminar were especially advised to practice this, since as a social custom, men more often give the firm handshake.
Ah yes, I remember all the times in the past year in which I've tried to perfect my firm handshake, that wonderful grip which simultaneously says, "Glad to meet you!" and "I can crush your spirit as easily as I can crush your hand!" What a perfect gesture for beginning a business relationship: by evoking both congeniality and inferiority in the handshake-recipient's eyes!
I, too, once had the "fishy" handshake. Dominated all-too-often in my handshakes, I tried to get the "upper hand," but felt the advantage squeezed out of me before I could even fully wrap my hand around that of my "opponent." "Damn," thought I, "he could crush my spirit, too!"
The questions interviewers may ask is a whole other story. For instance, one standard is, "What's your greatest weakness?" Now, ignore for the moment the disorienting perversity of the term "great weakness." I'll say for the record that it would probably surprise me if an interviewer actually asked me this question. The idea is, the candidate should respond by acknowledging a weakness, then turning it into a positive by explaining how he/she has mitigated its effects through practice.
Even worse, the interviewer may ask, "What's the biggest mistake you ever made?" This one is apparently a test to see whether you are riddled with waves of painful regret over your mistake, and tend to dwell on it, or conversely, if you've risen above your grand faux pas and learned from it. Obviously if you choose to talk about the time you belatedly mailed a birthday card to someone, your credibility, and status of "fallible human being," would come into serious question. But if you just can't come up with a nice, positive spin on the most nightmarish experience from your past, and are still in shock at actually being asked such a draconian question, there's always the curt response, "Apparently, applying for this job!"
Sure, I know the ins and outs of resumes and interviews, but what do I want to be? Most likely, I'll do some corporate work upon graduation, but ... Investment Banking? Consulting? Wall Street? Something along those lines would be cool, but seriously, I cringe when I hear otherwise sane friends say, "Yeah, I'll be working 100 hours a week, but that's not too bad. Plus, it'll ONLY be for two years." Excuse me? I object to 100 hours per week, just on health grounds alone; I could probably deal with the scant social life if really hard-pressed, but the sleep-deprivation would just be intractable.
If I wanted just one day off per week in which to preserve some semblance of sanity, I'd be working almost 17 hours per day the rest of the time. Assuming I'd scarf down a quick lunch during a 15-minute coffee break, and then eat a dinner/snack before conking out at home (or at work), I'd be running on barely 6 hours of sleep per day. If I were, on the other hand, a sentient, normal human being, I'd need to do other things during the day while working this much: at the very minimum, laundry, grocery shopping, seeing a psychologist, etc. This would of course decrease my sleep time, so that in either case, I would most probably become so ill that not even the killer bonus and stock options I may get would make life tolerable. But still I practice the firm handshake, so as to appear rugged and powerful to interviewers everywhere!
