President Clinton currently leads Senator Dole by 19 points, according to the New York Times on the World Wide Web (the only way for a busy coed to get news). That alone is enough to cause a diehard bleeding liberal Democrat like me to walk around flashing a big silly grin, even in the face of such recent and festering local adversities as midterms, endless rain, the demise of Collis-as-we-knew-it, etc.
But wait, it gets better. One of my professors yesterday showed me a poll of a different kind. It's a compilation published recently in American Enterprise magazine of several survey questions and responses from different sources. Now these polls really have their finger on the pulse of the nation.
In case you missed this one, allow me to describe it at length: the first question asks "If you were going to give the keys to your car to either Bill Clinton or Bob Dole, who would you trust more to know where you need to go?" Bill Clinton was favored by 42 percent of respondents, prevailing over Dole by a statistically insignificant 1 percent.
But Clinton prevails by three percentage points when Americans were asked "Who would you trust more to get you there?" and he wins hands down, 59 percent to 31 percent, for "With whom would you enjoy the ride more?"
The Democrats are out of luck in the next category, however. Respondents favored Dole 48 percent to 33 percent in response to "If you were going to go into business with either Bill Clinton or Bob Dole who would devote more time and energy to making your business a success?" And 55 percent of respondents would rather have Dole keep the books, while only 24 percent chose Clinton. But a whopping 73 percent thought Clinton would "be better at selling your product or services," while just 19 percent said the same for Dole.
Bizarrely enough, surveys from two different sources found that 52 percent of Americans would rather have Bill Clinton responsible for raising their children if something happened to their spouse, while only 27 percent said they favored Dole's parenting abilities. But interestingly, in response to the question, "Who would you rather have your child grow up to be more like?" Dole won 42 percent to Clinton's 33 percent.
My personal favorite, however is "If you had to choose, who would you rather have order your pizza toppings?" Clinton beat Dole 54 percent to 26 percent.
These innovative questions could inspire a whole wealth of creative polling. For example, I can easily imagine a Dartmouth-ized version that would give the election a whole new relevance and truly highlight the way this community feels about the candidates for President.
How about some questions like: Who would you want working the keg when you are in line for a beer? (My guess is Bob; he claims he was a fratboy once while Bill went to Georgetown, known for its bar scene.) On the same theme: "Who would you want staying up with you if you were to become ill from drinking? (Bob might have more experience in this department, but Bill has that comforting Southern drawl.)
How about, "Who would you tell your Blitzmail password to?" (Now there's a character issue.) Or, "Who would make a better college roommate?" (Though Bill's girlfriends would always be hanging around, Bob would always be bringing those smokers into the room.) What about, "Who would you ask to help you with a Civil War history paper?" (Bill is smarter but Bob might have actually fought in it.) [Side note: God, I love the liberal bias of the media.]
"Who would you trust to set you up for a formal?" "Who would you rather set up your roommate with?" "Who would you send to Foodcourt with your ID?" (Bill might deplete your DBA with buffalo chicken and French fries, but Bob would always "forget" to bring back milk). "Who would be more likely stop their car for you as a pedestrian?" "Which candidate would be more likely to pledge AD?" (The answer might surprise you.)
I hereby confide a secret to all news media, from our own beloved Dartmouth to that giant of newspapers, The New York Times: here are the real character issues, plain and simple! Here lies the secret to a true comprehension of the American psyche!
OK, maybe it's a little bit silly. But maybe, just maybe, we've found the secret to increased political participation: polls that get the average (and average truly being the operative word here) citizen thinking about what is really important to him or her. It doesn't always appear to be anything logical like the environment or education or even the economy -- if the electorate really cared about such things, our voter participation would be a lot less pathetic than it is now.
