Think back to that late summer day just before you plunged into freshman fall, when you staggered into the Ravine Lodge at Moosilauke with leftover cucumbers rotting in your backpack and a week-old enviromug encrusted with oatmeal and cocoa. You plop down on a wooden bench and look up at the old trail signs covering the walls. And then you see it, welcoming you to the lodge and to the beginning of your adventures at Dartmouth ... a moose!
When I read in The Dartmouth on Monday about the campaign to find our favorite college a new mascot, I realized that the moose's time has finally come. Some will slander my mammal of choice, depicting it as a lazy creature that passes the day scratching its rump on tree bark. I believe, however, that these petty critics are merely suffering from grammatical insecurity, unsure whether we would become the Dartmouth Moose, the Dartmouth Meese, or the Dartmouth Mooses. In an effort to share my conviction with the rest of the student body, I've done a little research that should prove to all just how meritorious this noble creature is.
First of all, the moose should appeal even to those traditionalists who continue to cling to the controversial Indian mascot. The word "moose" derives from the Algonquin "moos." The Algonquin family of American Indian languages are spoken by peoples from Labrador to the Carolinas and westward to the Great Plains. The moose would therefore be a non-demeaning way to hint at Dartmouth's history and the college's support for Native American students.
The moose, with it's sturdy humped shoulders, long legs, and intimidatingly broad antlers, would be a worthy symbol of Dartmouth's prowess on the athletic field. They are strong, fleet-footed and fearsome. I've even heard stories of people being trampled to death by moose in Alaska. Not that those Alaskan moose-eaters don't deserve it. How can they eat a creature with those big brown moose eyes? I'd rather feast on a baby seal! Imagine the joy of cheering on the Dartmouth football or women's rugby team with cries of "GOOOOOO, MOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!" or "THE MOOSE ARE LOOSE!!" We could even bugle like moose in mating season, although that might be less appropriate at Memorial Field than on the dance floor of your favorite fraternity.
Our college would be well represented by the many admirable moose in the media. There's Bullwinkle, of course, and Northern Exposure, and that moose in National Lampoon's Vacation, and well, there's always Bullwinkle. On to my next point.
I hear that moose are a dangerous traffic problem in some parts of the country. Hitting a moose on the highway at high speed can be fatal. Dartmouth students, of course, are a similar traffic problem, as anyone with a car on campus will understand. After adopting our new mascot, we could replace the "Yield to Pedestrians" signs on Wheelock Street with "Moose Crossing" signs.
Moose are also identified with the Loyal Order of Moose, a major benevolent and fraternal order. Many Dartmouth students are extremely benevolent, spending hours and hours performing valuable community service. Others are, of course, extremely fraternal.
Let's get scientific here. Moose, the largest members of the deer family, are ruminant mammals. For those non-Bio majors out there, that means that moose, like cows, have multi-chambered stomachs. They chew their cud. "Ick!," some will cry, "We don't want to be labeled as a bunch of cud-chewers!" But the word "ruminant" has another meaning. To ruminate is to reflect, to ponder. Ruminants are given to contemplation. I submit that the reflective moose is an appropriate symbol for Dartmouth's academic community.
A vital part of learning is taking the time to contemplate and ponder. Some choose to form their thoughts, ideas and opinions during quiet moments in Baker library; others ruminate with friends over coffee at Dirt Cowboy or beer in their basement of choice. If moose happen to feel most inspired while rubbing their rears on tree trunks, I think that's their intellectual prerogative.
Fans of Northern Exposure or not, the entire Dartmouth community should be proud to rally around the moose symbol. These noble, meditative and loyal brown butt-scratchers of the North woods embody qualities for which we should all strive. I eagerly await the day when this worthy creature will unite our campus, the day when we can all shout together, "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, MOOSE!"
