Beinga black gay man on this campus has been difficult but, at the same time, a rewarding experience. My tenure as co-chair of DaGLO (now Dartmouth Rainbow Alliance) has allowed me to challenge the myths, misconceptions and stereotypes many people have about gays. In the process, I believe I've heightened awareness about the importance of "coming out" and respecting the decision of those who do. For many in this community I was the first gay person they met, for others I was not. But the fact that I have been very open about my sexual orientation since my junior year has been empowering, for I've denied those individuals who wanted me to remain silent and invisible the opportunity to feign ignorance about this issue, while maintaining my own happiness in living my life honestly.
I will take the countless memories and experiences with me as I graduate. Before leaving, I want to share the 10 questions most frequently asked about gay people that I have been exposed to in my years at Dartmouth. And here they are in no particular order:
1: Why do gays flaunt their sexuality? Gays have existed in every society since the beginning of recorded history. A brief listing of historical figures, past and present, who have been identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual: Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Peter the Great, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Walt Whitman, Gertrude Stein, David Bowie, Tennessee Williams, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Janis Joplin, Oscar Wilde, Gore Vidal, Martina Navratilova, James Baldwin, Barney Frank, John Maynard Keynes, Elton John, Eleanor Roosevelt, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, James Dean, Rock Hudson, Malcolm Forbes, Sir John Gielgeud, Langston Hughes, Liberace, Moliere and six Popes!
2: Are gays naturally homosexual? What makes us gay, many have asked --heredity or environment? The real question is not what makes us gay, but what gives us the courage to act on it. So get over it, it's not a phase!
3: How can you tell if someone is gay? My experience has shown that there's no single path people take toward becoming gay, no conclusive telltale sign or particular trait. A preference for musical theater over touch football (or vice versa) does not necessarily a gay person make. Thus, the gay community is as wonderfully diverse as our straight counterparts.
4: Why do some gay people choose a traditional marriage, often thinking that it will somehow "save" them? Because of perceived family, social or religious pressures to conform to the accepted "norm." But what could be worse than not living the life you were meant to live? Despite best intentions, gays who marry straights are doing no one any good, particularly not the unfortunate people they marry. Sooner or later, the truth will come out ... just think of all the money you'll spend in therapy trying to deal with the emotional consequences.
5: Why do gays "come out?" Coming out is a process, an evolution of sorts. Years may pass between a person's first encounter and the eventual disclosure to family and friends that his/her "roommate" doesn't really sleep on the bed in the living room. In any event, do it when you're ready. Confiding in your loved ones and bringing them into your life -- your entire life -- can be a wonderful, liberating thing for everyone involved. But you should decide when the time is right.
6: Once you admit to yourself that you're gay, what's next? Being gay doesn't mean you have to conform to anyone's idea of what gay is. For every Rupaul out there, there's a Bob Jackson-Paris. The stereotypical "fairy" is as mythical as the straight guy who can dance. Being gay doesn't prevent you from achieving anything you want, unless you let it.
7: What should you do if someone "comes out" to you? This alas can be a problem for some straight people. Rather than focusing on the courage of the person making the revelation, their mind's eyes focus only on the impact of the news on their lives. For countless reasons, having a gay relative or friend should be thought of as a benefit, not a burden.
8: What causes homophobia? For many straight people, there's an underlying fear of homosexuality in that, if they are accepting, their own sexuality might be questioned. Lisa Duggan, a historian at Brown, argues "homophobia may reflect a fear that if this taboo disappears, the distinctions between the genders will simply dissolve." We are socialized from birth to be and act a certain way. For example, men (in theory) are not supposed to be affectionate with other men, while women are not looked down upon for doing so.
9: What are some of the negative effects of homophobia? One aspect of the closet, which I'd classify as "psychological" in nature, is often more devastating in the short-term, where gays wrestle the internal demons that ask "what's wrong with me?" Other characteristics include low self esteem/worth; isolation and high incidences of suicide are commonplace in gays as well. Another part of the closet has to do with the "structural" impediments such as discriminatory laws that are enacted denying gays basic protection in housing, jobs, marriage and adoption of children. Gays often must "re-invent" themselves as persons to develop a positive image. This process involves debunking the societal myths we've acquired over the years.
10: How can we combat homophobia? In addressing this issue, we must all look at ourselves in the mirror to root out the sources of our irrational revulsion and hatred. The key to opening the door of this closet is nothing more -- nothing less than an open mind. Without that key, we shall never leave it. With it, we cannot help but emerge into the light!
