I like to think of myself as the people's columnist, so I am always looking out for the well-being of everyone here at Dartmouth. I endeavor to expose all injustices and preserve the autonomy of every single individual on our campus.
Consistent with that pursuit is my goal in this week's column. I say to you, oh kind folk of the Dartmouth community, that Dartmouth Dining Services is a source of concern on this campus. We at Dartmouth are fortunate to have a myriad of dining choices, but yet there are problems which must be addressed.
So I have put together several recommendations for consideration by our friends at DDS. These suggestions are based on my three years of dining experience here on campus, along with some informal interviews with random Dartmouth students. These are, of course, in no particular order.
1) Food Court absolutely must do something about the puddings that have written on their lids, "Not for Individual Sale." Now, I'm no lawyer, but I'll bet that there's something illegal about this. Even if DDS did get some kind of a "pudding exemption," it just looks bad.
2) The Hop should print and prominently display the ingredients of the "Jamaican Beef Pockets." For one, I am skeptical of the contents of those things. I'd be willing to bet that there's some kind of artificial color like "yellow #4" in them.
3) Stop having ethnic food nights at Full Fare. To be quite honest, it demeans the value of the culture when its traditional foods are prepared in mass and served alongside that weird looking jello that they never seem to get rid of. If Dartmouth is truly sensitive to other cultures, stop the cuisinal rape which occurs all too often.
4) Merge the Collis Cafe and Home Plate. Let's be honest with
ourselves -- the same people frequent these places. Just get a big mound of sprouts, tofu and hummus, put it in a salad bar and call it "Collis Plate."
Collis Plate could feature those strange concoctions one finds at Collis Cafe, the aforementioned sprout-tofu-hummus bar and the ever-popular Gardenburger.
5) Give the option of having the Hop breakfast sandwiches with the cholesterol on the side. That way, those of us with a high level of cholesterol in our blood can increase our life span by a few years when we have the urge for one of those early morning delights.
6) Display an expiration date near those slices of "cheese food" at the beginning of the Full Fare line. My guess is that the same pieces of Muenster cheese have been there since the Persian Gulf War.
7) Prevent the Hop from serving seafood. The "Delta Airlines" style dinner special at the Hop is bad enough already, without adding fish to the menu. Besides, swordfish should not be served on a tray, anyway.
9) Finally, and most importantly, bring back cartoon night in Full Fare! When I was a freshman, virtually every member of the class would descend on Full Fare for this monumentous event. There is no better or more American combination than Shepherd's Pie and Bugs Bunny.
I am confident that if DDS takes these suggestions seriously and makes the necessary implementations, our dining situation will improve markedly.
