In about two weeks, I will be 22. A very nebulous age. None of the pomp and circumstance of 21. However, there is one benefit derived from reaching this dubious plateau - I will be an official member of Generation X.
I am now going to contact the Generation X headquarters in New York to ask how to become a member. Please listen in:
"Hello, Generation X, Inc. Can I help you?"
"Yes, my name is Ryan McMillen and I'm interested in becoming a member."
"Let's see, Ryan. Your age?"
"I will be 22 in March."
"Pisces or Aries?"
"Pisces."
"OK, do you subscribe to 'Details'?"
"No, but I read it occasionally."
"Good enough. What service sector job are you going to be in next year?"
"Service sector job? I have to be in one to be a member?"
"Well, you could be a member or a leader. A leader doesn't require a service sector job, but a member does."
"I'll think about it."
"Well, hurry up. The millenium approaches. Anyway, next question. If you were stuck in a boat with Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder, Nirvana's Kurt Cobain and 'Reservoir Dogs' Director Quentin Tarantino..."
"Wait a second. Where are these questions leading?"
"I don't know. I'm lost."
"So am I."
"Congratulations, Ryan. You're a member. Enjoy the fruits of it. Attend a few raves, think about doing something socially conscious and then lapse into nihilistic apathy."
"I'm doing that already. Everything but the raves part."
"Good. You're well on your way to age 30. When you reach that age, your membership will be revoked, you understand."
"So I have eight years to define my life?"
"Some stretch it until 32. Some even 40. Then there's the Grateful Dead. But most members sputter around 30."
"I think I'll be a leader, then."
"Well, Mr. McMillen, then I am afraid to say we are going to have to revoke your application to Generation X, Inc."
"Why?"
"Well, you're not buying into it, obviously. This organization only deals with members, not leaders. Leaders define and members follow. Paradoxically, leaders are not allowed to be members. The leaders would feel like they belonged or something, and frankly, that would defeat the purpose of a generation that worships those on the fringe."
"What if I said I wanted to be a member?"
"If you had decided to become a member, you would receive a back issue of 'Details,' a five by seven inch - suitable for framing - photograph of Wynona Ryder and a one-way ticket to Seattle."
"I think I'll hold off on my decision."
"Again, hurry up. There isn't much time."
"OK, OK. I'll be a leader."
"Then I have nothing more to say. Goodbye." Click.
Let's party, folks.
