Welcome back to Hanover, the place where all is well!
There is no poverty here, and if there is it is well concealed under mountains of need-based financial aid and other scholarships (Non-merit based, of course. We are all so meritorious that the scholarships would not go round.).
There is no hunger here, and if there is, it too is well concealed ' hidden under punch-based meal plans and infinite charges that parents pay for.
There is no homelessness here! We all laugh gently under our breath at the "plight" of those 300-odd students who do not have housing, but there is no serious problem.
You will never be accosted by a beggar you think you might have known several years and inches of dirt ago. Noone here will beg you for your hard-earned money.
Men! Welcome back to Dartmouth College, where all is well. All the women are beautifully dressed, and they have beautiful figures. They always have time for a salad or a bagel after a 10-mile run.
Welcome, ladies, to Dartmouth College where the men are six feet and above, and all are in stunningly good shape.
They all wear sandstone-colored parkas, and they look very sharp. There is no tension here ' just take a walk in the forest, or drink a beer and your problems leave you.
There are very few racial problems here.
The black students are generally quiet, except for an outburst now and then (things usually get rowdy in the Spring with them ' I think that the cold weather frustrates them, and then in the Spring, things start to heat up like in "Do the Right Thing." Just look at Rodney King and the Dartmouth Review pick-up.)
The Jews are doing well, and the Latinos get along fine here.
I personally am lucky to have avoided the few perils which Dartmouth does have to offer.
I have a new meal plan and a nice double in the Lodge with a roommate from Alaska. I have yet to register for classes, but hopefully my financial aid will come through and I can proceed uninterrupted with my life here in Hanover. It is so much more comfortable here than where I live...
Welcome back administrators! Welcome back classmates of 1996! Welcome, new class of 1997!
Welcome back friends, foes, lovers and fighters! Praise the Lord! We are at the top!
