I received a phone call the other day from a friend, who spent most of the conversation reminding me of the fact that it is summer, yet I spend my days going to class and doing homework while he spends his days at the beach. This brilliant observation inspired me to reflect upon the first two weeks of my summer term, and the results were somewhat mixed.
Can someone explain to me why Food Court is only open until 8:00 at night now? I pondered this question for a while and came up with a few ideas. Maybe because it is summer, the average metabolism for the class of '95 changed so dramatically that nobody finds it necessary to eat after 8:00. I certainly hope this is true for those students with labs until 8:00, who will be forced to dine off-campus.
Another reason for the early closing of Food Court must be that there are fewer people on campus. It is statistically possible that everyone who likes to eat after 8:00 just happens to be off this term. If this is the case, the College must be applauded for the incredible amount of research it must have required to determine the exact dining patterns of every student.
My last theory about the reduced dining hours is a little more obscure, but must be vocalized. The basis of the theory is that Richard Simmons has infiltrated dining services bringing with him promises of fit and trim Dartmouth students, free Deal-A-Meals for college employees and a band of octogenarians all psyched up for "Sweatin' to the Oldies." He refused to commence with his plan, however, until the opportunity to cheat on his diet was removed. After much discussion, it was resolved that his plan was worth the ten weeks of whining from a wimpy guy in short shorts with a bad haircut.
Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to get to Food Court before it closes...
