Well, it's summertime. The birds are chirping, the bugs are buzzing and the term is beginning. And since the term just began, I thought that I would make some predictions for this summer for all of you to ponder.
Within the first month of the term, someone will find President Freedman in a can of Diet Pepsi. It will then be discovered that the person actually stuffed President Freedman into the can and faked the whole incident.
In response to a wave of complaints concerning Food Court, Dining Services will expand Food Court into Full Fare and move Full Fare into that little gazebo on the green.
Down the stretch, the Major League Baseball division winners will be the Philadelphia Phillies, San Francisco Giants, Chicago White Sox and Toronto Blue Jays. Stay tuned for my Playoffs and World Series predictions in the fall.
DarTalk will start a new ad campaign in which it no longer uses gimmicks or tricks. It will also aptly rename its service: DarSuck.
The ground which was unearthed during the steam tunnel construction will be served at Collis as the "soil of the day" when the student center reopens.
While overhearing the adolescents at the tennis camp talking about their ground strokes and approach shots, the editors of the campus publication Spare Rib will determine that the teens are sexists. Subsequently, they will start a campaign called "Divest Tennis."
Attendance at class this Saturday may actually break 15% this year.
In his address to the incoming freshman class this year President Freedman will quote from the collected works of Axl Rose instead of Huckleberry Finn.
Several activist groups on campus will demand that the college derecognize the 4th of July as a holiday because of allegations that George Washington was anti-environment and Thomas Jefferson was a homophobe. President Freedman will promptly succumb to demands citing Huckleberry Finn as a precedent.
In response to the growing number of students on the Fall housing wait list, the Office of Residential Life will set up about 50 beds in the gym. These beds will be occupied by some nerds who end up forming their own chapter of Lambda Lambda Lambda and taking over the Interfraternity Council.
At least half of the former "Ren and Stimpy" fans will start watching "Beavis and Butt-head" instead.
And finally, the student body will heave a collective "sigh" as Andrew Beebe '93 has graduated and will no longer plague us with Political Correctness.
I know that some of these predictions are rather far-fetched, but no one can tell me that nothing weird ever happens on this campus.
But rest assured, I will be here every so often to keep you updated on the good, the bad and the ugly.
So buckle up and get ready for Summer '93.
