Top 5 Ways to Avoid Creepy Alumns over Carnival
By Amelia Acosta, The Dartmouth Senior Staff
Published on Friday, February 8, 2013
- DO NOT under any circumstances eat any of your meals in town, unless you want to dine alongside alums enjoying legality in Hanover with $2 margaritas or karaoke at Salt Hill Pub.
- If you see beer other than Keystone in the basement, don’t touch it. Alums will likely bring their own “nice” (read: Bud Light) beer to feel like they’ve matured since college.
- If anyone refers to you as the final year in their “Dartmouth Decade,” run, as fast as you can, in the opposite direction.
- Pay attention to tell-tale signs in their clothing, like expensive leather shoes in frat basements or, more obviously, wedding rings.
- Just give in and listen to their stories. Some of them are guaranteed to be interesting and sooner or later they drift into an EBA’s-induced sleep coma mid-sentence.
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How to avoid clueless undergrads anywhere. Be on the lookout for “Forward” buttons and “Hope and Change” tattoos. Don’t go near what look like be DOC tents. It’s the “Occupy” regeneration of the 60’s hippie culture. You’ll hear chanting if you get close enough, including “Hell no, we won’t work.” On your way north of campus, the new DOC Organic Progressive Barn is a key area to speed past, scattering pro-American leaflets as you go by. If you find yourself cornered by one of the little airheads you won’t have to wait long before they pass out on bad beer and attempt to assault themselves as they burp out, “Was that a real year?”
By Anon on Feb 8 | 3:17 pm
Alumni who return to Hanover are CREEPY? This is offensive on so many levels. I cannot believe the D published this.
By ‘04 on Feb 8 | 7:04 pm
@Anon: Glad to see you didn’t get bitter in your old age.
By Anonymous on Feb 9 | 11:02 am