Majorly Competitive

By Felicia Schwartz, The Dartmouth Staff

Published on Friday, August 10, 2012

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While it’s been fun to watch the Olympics for the past two weeks, the competitive spirit lives on at Dartmouth year-round. The Olympics offer only 35 sports in which to compete, but here at Dartmouth, students show off their superior abilities in over 50 subject areas. Some of us can compete at the Olympic level in sports, but for the rest of us here’s a guide to matching your major to an Olympic sport.

Economics — golf (hasn’t appeared since 1904 but be patient) Golf is a gentleman’s sport and Economics is a gentleman’s major. It doesn’t hurt that the field of play is dominated by white men.

Engineering — triatholon Since this is a liberal arts college, engineers have to be good at reading and writing in addition to all of the scary, technical math/science stuff they do. Tri-athletes, like engineers, are superior at three different things all at the same time.

Theater — fencing Fencing and theater are a lot of fun to watch, but what on earth are you going to do with yourself once the Olympics (or College) are over? You can both find work at touring medieval fairs!

Government — trampoline It takes strength, creativity, grace and style to succeed at this sport in the Olympics. Students utilize the same skills to complete the government major.

History — diving Same skills required as above, but now you have to do it in the water. The history major requires just a little bit more from already-talented students. Full disclosure: I am a History major.

Neuroscience — tennis There’s no such thing as love in tennis, and learning about the chemicals of the brain might make you a little skeptical about how and why we interact with each other.

Psychology — table tennis Is table tennis a sport or a hobby? Is psych a hard science or a social science? It depends on who you ask. What is the difference between psychology and neuroscience?

English — equestrian You are all a classy, well-spoken group of people. Olympic riders also carry themselves with the same confidence and style. Also, we’re not quite sure what it takes to make someone a great English major — or a great competitor in dressage, for that matter.

Native American studies — archery Archery takes precision, but it seems like most of the time you’re just standing around. You need strong writing and research skills to complete the NAS major, but it also seems like you’re doing a lot of standing around.

Geography — steeplechase The geography major requires its students to put the most random skills together, just as steeplechase makes athletes run, jump and go through water. It remains unclear how GIS and social justice can fall under the same major. It’s also confusing why an obstacle course is included in track events.

Chinese — rugby Forward-thinking athletes play rugby, new to the Olympics this year. The small percentage of students who take Chinese understand what skills are going to be useful in 20 years.

Mathematics — wrestling It takes a lot of strength to survive wrestling and the math major. It looks like wrestlers are in pain while competing, and monitoring the curve of every test reminds me of the obsession wrestlers have with making sure they meet the weigh-in criteria.