By Corey Vann, The Dartmouth Staff
Published on Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Well guys and girls, this is it — the final installment of Vann Island until next September. Hopefully your hearts are still intact after formal season because now is the time to really buckle down. Finals start on Friday, and I advise you to bite the bullet and grind through, knowing that an incredible summer is just a week away.
The format for this edition of the column is stolen from Jimmy Cannon and also influenced by Dick Young, a former sportswriter for the New York Daily News. Young was notable for his blunt yet personal style and his ability to cover multiple topics in one piece. I have tried to model my style after his, and I believe writing in this mold for this column will allow me to touch on a lot of subjects, instead of my usual one-and-done style.
I really have enjoyed expressing my thoughts each week, and I hope it’s been informative and entertaining for you. So here goes the finale: Nobody asked me, BUT...
The Los Angeles Kings will win the Stanley Cup ... beating the New Jersey Devils, 4-2.
After a yearlong recess from the NFL ... Randy Moss will be a Pro-Bowler for the San Francisco 49ers.
Matt Barkley and the University of Southern California Trojans will be the preseason No. 1 ... and go on to win the BCS Championship.
Nick Schwieger ’12 will make the St. Louis Rams roster ... realizing his dream.
LeBron James will win his first ring ... after the Miami Heat take care of the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA Finals.
Tiger Woods will not win a major tournament this summer ... continuing his epic drought.
I will not watch HBO’s “Hard Knocks” ... if the Jacksonville Jaguars are the featured team.
The United States will earn the most gold medals this summer at the 2012 Olympics in London ... and Anthony Davis will make the basketball roster.
“Curb Your Enthusiasm” will rebound from a poor season last summer ... because Larry David is still the absolute king.
Rex Ryan will catch a case of Tebow fever ... and Timmy will lead the NFL in rushing touchdowns next year.
I’ll Have Another will win the Belmont Stakes ... and become the first horse to win the Triple Crown since Affirmed in 1978.
The Orioles will predictably fall out of contention in the American League East ... but the Red Sox will keep struggling under the direction of Bobby Valentine.
Oldies but goodies Carlos Beltran and Paul Konerko will continue to tear it up ... leading their respective teams to berths in the MLB playoffs come October.
Dartmouth men’s lacrosse player Pat Flynn ’13 will make an impact for the Dartmouth rugby team ... when it attempts to defend its 7s national championship this weekend.
The machine is back, everyone ... Albert Pujols’ resurgence spells trouble not only for the lives of John Anderson and Steve Levy, but also for the ERAs of pitchers in the American League.
The “Madden Curse” will finally come to an end ... as it is virtually impossible to stop Calvin Johnson.
NASCAR recently became the first professional sport to reach a deal with Twitter ... but it will not result in a spike in the popularity of the sport.
Giancarlo Stanton will continue to have the coolest name in all of sports ... but more importantly, he will continue to smack bombs and will lead the majors in home runs this year.
I cannot wait for “The Dark Night Rises” (2012) ... no doubt in my mind that it will re-write the box office record book.
The summer blockbuster that I’m most intrigued by is “The Bourne Legacy” (2012) ... will Matt Damon’s absence plague the series? I’m hoping Jeremy Renner can fill some pretty big shoes.
And why was “No Church in the Wild” used in “The Great Gatsby” (2012) trailer ... last time I checked, Leonardo DiCaprio was playing Jay Gatsby, not Denzel Washington.
Joe Sclafani ’12 will be selected in the MLB Draft ... and sign a deal with a big league squad.
President Barack Obama wins the 2012 elections ... but Herman Cain wins ours hearts.
Mitt Romney loses the 2012 election ... but proves that money can, in fact, buy love.
And last but not least ... memes will take over the world.
That’s it for me, folks. Nobody asked me to thank you guys, but I have really appreciated the support for the Island over the past couple of months. Have a great summer — I can’t wait to resume when I get back to campus in September.