The REAL Dartmouth Report Card
By Tyler Bradford
Published on Friday, April 27, 2012
It’s time for Dartmouth to get a report card. Prospective students need an easier and more legible way of understanding Dartmouth before they seal their four-year fate. Let’s take a second to explore a few standard categories of evaluation, while still mentioning a few less orthodox issues.
It is notable that every class currently at Dartmouth will experience at least two presidents as head of the College. Our provost is stepping in to become interim president, but who will step in to be the provost? Granted, 80 percent of students probably didn’t know we had a provost and/or what she does.
Dining Out: B
The opening of 3 Guys Basement knocked this category’s rating up. While there is a distinct range in quality from nearly inedible (hey there, Mai Thai buffet) to that pretentious food fix (Market Table saved our lives), there is something to be said for the presence of a nationally acclaimed gelateria in our small town.
Dining In: C
While the KAF craze probably merits a significant increase in this category, it’s hard not to be bitter about campus food, if only for its prices. Sure, there are effective ways to scam the system (i.e. there are certain meals that are way cheaper than others — get your criminal mind out of the gutter, thief), but at $50,000 a year, we students shouldn’t have to learn how to effectively pay for food.
Discussion of campus issues: A-
This is why our blitz is constantly exploding. We love our panels. We love our meetings with promises of free food. Sometimes discussion seems to be confined to these organized spaces. Nonetheless, there are some students discussing campus issues every day even if they don’t actually do anything.
Improving campus issues: C
Hating on already hated things is usually lame, but here it is necessary. All our committees and panels and organizations don’t seem to be enough to create tangible action and change. Maybe another “initiative” is what we really need. In all seriousness, there is a need to make Dartmouth a safer community than it currently is.
Dartmouth knows how to haze. Anyone who knows anything didn’t need to read a Rolling Stone article to be aware of that fact. Dartmouth hazes in its basements, outside in the open air, in its dorms and everywhere in between. From arrival, Dartmouth teaches its students jargon and immerses them in a culture that is completely nontransferable.