How Dartmouth Should Reject People
By Gardner Davis, The Dartmouth Staff
Published on Friday, April 27, 2012
First, we wanted to thank you for taking the time to apply to Dartmouth College. We know it is difficult to have someone else write a supplemental essay for you, but you were undeterred. Your application meant a lot to us. If we had to quantify how much it meant, it would be 0.0004082 percent. That is how much higher our acceptance rate would have been had you chosen not to apply. We mean it sincerely when we say thank you — if it weren’t for a lot of people like you, we might be Brown University, or even worse, Cornell University.
Despite the unmistakable contribution that you would have made to the Dartmouth community, we are sadly not able to offer you admission. While your grades, test scores and resume stocked with leadership positions were impressive, the grades, test scores and resumes stocked with leadership positions of 2,180 other applicants were slightly to significantly more impressive. We urge you to not take this as a negative reflection on your qualifications, but rather as a negative reflection on your qualifications relative to the other applicants. Seriously, some of these kids are absurd.
We realize that this is probably difficult for you. It’s certainly not fun to spend your entire life working towards a goal only to be rejected. After those long nights studying, years of music lessons and time with friends that you sacrificed for academic decathlon practice, you’re probably starting to wonder whether or not it was worth it to take on that fourth leadership position in a school club or spend hours studying to eke out an extra 30 points on the SAT. To answer your question, it was probably not worth it. Perhaps you should’ve taken a different approach, like providing clean water to an entire third world nation or simply having one of your parents graduate from Dartmouth.
To put this into perspective, it is not your fault. There is a good chance that you would have been admitted if you had applied to Dartmouth 20, 10 or probably even five years ago — you know, before people went crazy and this whole college application process went to shit.
We wish you the best of luck in the future. Hopefully you will thrive in an environment full of slightly less qualified individuals. If it makes you feel any better, we were really going to rip you off with an overpriced freshman dining plan anyway.
Warm regards, The Admissions Office