And Too Embarrassed to Ask
By Jay Webster, The Dartmouth Staff
Published on Friday, November 11, 2011
Sex can be challenging, so I’m here to answer your most urgent, lurid and taboo questions about the tricky dynamics of “interpersonal relationships” at Dartmouth. Honestly, who better to guide you through this special journey than me? Let’s take a closer look at what some of your curious classmates wanted to know more about.
What is a clitoris? — Confused ’12 Male
Great question! I suspect being with women must be a perpetual struggle for you, and for that I am sorry. The clitoris is one of the two main pleasure centers in women — specifically, it is a “button-like” sexual organ located near the opening of the vagina, according to my sources at Wikipedia. It is protected by what Wiki-folk would best describe as a “hood” of skin, so just remember — it’s all good in the hood. (Ew.) But really.
What’s the best way for a guy to prolong the time before he finishes? — Overexcited ’14 Male
There are several solutions to this problem. You could try “extended pleasure” condoms, but I’ve heard unfortunate reports of those numbing your disco stick. Yikes.
Alternatively, try thinking about sad and/or grim things during sex, like divorce or suffering kittens. That is kind of distracting and weird, however, so maybe you should just stop being an overeager teenager. #highschoolproblems
Is there such a thing as a penis that’s too big for the vagina? — Sad, Curious ’13 Male
If you have to ask, this issue probably doesn’t apply to you. Sorry about that. But the answer is yes, it is a possible situation but depends on both partners.
Should I go to XX tails? I heard there would be tons of girls there! — ’15 Male
You sure shouldn’t! But be my guest and report back what you see there.
Raw dawg or wrapped? — ’13 Male
What a vulgar way to phrase this question! But I’d definitely say wrapped. Your fellow bros will tell you that it doesn’t feel as good, latex allergies are a real risk, blah .vblah blah, but better that than dealing with unwanted pregnancy scares and diseases. Also, it will probably impress — let’s be real, surprise — the girl that you actually care about her, so always show up prepared.
Is there a nice way to ask the other person to shave his/her genitalia? — Lover of the Hairless ’14
Shaving is a dicey subject, but honesty is always important. Obviously, if you’ve only hooked up with the person a few times and/or you don’t even remember his or name, broaching the subject is straight up rude.
On the other hand, indicating your preferences after several weeks or months of consistency isn’t a bad thing.
What is the protocol for when you wake up in a guy’s room, only to find you have peed in his bed? — ’15 Female with an Overactive Bladder
The key to this situation is humor. Pretending it didn’t happen and profusely apologizing are both embarrassing courses of action, but treating it like a joke lets you maintain some degree of dignity.
“Oh, did I urinate on your sheets? Yellow is my favorite color anyway!”
Follow with a seductive wink and suggest getting breakfast, and you’ll be golden (pun intended).
Also, maybe assess the amount you’ve been drinking. Peeing uncontrollably after the age of six is not normal.
What is the appeal of titty fucking? I don’t understand it. — ’13 Female
This is an excellent question that I’d like someone to answer for me as well. If I were to guess, though, it probably has something to do with a primal attraction to fertile women. Still, the logistics of this just seem like a struggle.
How can a guy tell if a girl is the type to freely give blowjobs? — ’15 Female
You should never feel pressured into performing oral sex, but it’s definitely a conversation to bring up at some point with your significant other. He or she may make assumptions about your willingness to do certain sexual acts, but no one really knows until you consent.
The moral of the story is, he can’t actually tell, so effective communication is the key. Yay!
Can you get an infection from rubber bits? I recently had sex on a football field. — ’13 Female
I’m guessing this is the result of an unfortunate run-in with the Dartmouth Seven, and you now have tar pieces all up inside of you. This sounds pretty uncomfortable and I strongly recommend you seek medical attention, you little exhibitionist, you.
Can you remind me what it feels like? — Deprived ’12
Oh no … I am just so sorry.