Hollisto’s Mailbag

Usually, this column is used to interview some of Dartmouth’s most interesting athletes, but, after nearly instigating a Dartmouth baseball civil war between the pitchers and fielders, I figured I should change things up a bitthis week. Besides, nearly every Spring sport is done for the season and, like the great Allen Iverson, no one wants to talk about practice. My editors told me I would sound too cocky if I interviewed myself, since I’m on the football team, so I decided to make a playlist for my Spring athletic experience. Each song reflects a different moment of this increasingly interesting term.

  1. Beautiful Snoop Dogg ft. Pharell

When I think of spring, I think of the NBA playoffs. Although I was tempted to start off my playlist with last year’s theme song “Amazing” by Kanye West I decided to pick something more personal. I love the NBA, and I love almost everything about the playoffs (even though they take nearly two months to finish). The one thing I hate is the annual presence of the San Antonio Spurs. I respect the Spurs, and Tim Duncan is one of the greatest centers of all time, but I hate watching the Spurs play. The Spurs might possibly be the most boring team to perennially make the postseason. Gregg Popovich’s conservative blend of defense and ball possession makes me consider killing brain cells by switching over to Fox’s Glee. Fortunately, my common sense kicks in, and I frustratingly watch the Spurs knock out a more exciting team, like this year’s Dallas Mavericks. So why would I equate their playoff series with such an upbeat song? Simple, because every so often, my patience is rewarded with a shot of all-start point guard Tony Parker’s wife, Eva Longoria. Moments like these make me realize that no matter how dull things seem, there’s always something better waiting around the corner.

  1. Superman T. Pain

Every time I see the Orlando Magic’s Dwight Howard dominate the paint, it brings me back to my years playing Little League baseball. During my final season, I had the misfortune of trying to hit against current NBA center Kevin Love. At the supposed’ age of 13, Love was a man-child. He was 6’3,” weighed over 200 pounds and had more facial hair than I do at age 20. Love dominated us. He threw a perfect game and hit for the cycle. It was the single worst day of my sporting career and resulted in my hanging up my glove. I felt like Owen Wilson after he was kicked out of the Maryland mansion in Wedding Crashers. Everything I loved about baseball depressed me. This is how I think opposing players feel after they play Howard. I’ve never before seen grown men hide their faces after a basketball game, but the Atlanta Hawks did just that. Howard is so dominant that many players don’t bother driving the lane when he’s in the game. They resort to shooting long, challenging jump shots where a miss turns into another Howard rebound. This is why Howard is Superman.

  1. Sweet Dreams Beyonce

Keeping up with my NBA theme, I chose this song to portray the dominant and polarizing presence of LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. For Cleveland and L.A. fans, watching these two are sweet dreams. They can do anything on the court. LeBron is so beastly that he makes a half-court shot look like a mid-range jumper. Still, I’m not a Cleveland fan and I hate the Lakers. As a Magic fan, it’s a beautiful nightmare watching these two play. It hurts to see Kobe spilt a double team and finish with a dazzling layup, but it just looks so good. It’s hard to hate good basketball, but it’s terrible to see someone destroy everything that makes you happy. I try to wake up and hope that LeBron didn’t just drop 40 points on my favorite team, but, like “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” I’m stuck until it reaches its conclusion.

  1. Boom P.O.D.

After a few big plays this spring, Kevin de Regt 12 has earned the nickname “Hit Stick.” Opposing receivers tremble whenever he steps on the field because they know carrying the ball is no longer safe.

  1. Crazy Gnarls Barkley

It snowed twice in April and it hailed in May. Really, Hanover? You always tease me with beautiful weather on a Tuesday. Considering how midterms last three to four weeks, I waste 90 percent of prime Green lounging weather inside Berry with a stack of books and two cans of Red Bull. When I finally have a free Saturday, it either rains or hails or the temperature drops by 15 degrees. I love flip-flops Hanover, let me wear them.

  1. Memories David Guetta ft. KiD CuDi

This song is about all the great things we’ve seen this Spring. I hear it and I think of the men’s lacrosse huge upset over Cornell. I remember the brothers of Theta Delta Chi bringing a drum to the UPenn lacrosse game and chanting until Safety and Security intervened. I also think of the legendary heckling at baseball games courtesy of Gamma Delta Chi. It’s amazing how they can scream every inning of a double header and avoid being kicked out of the stadium.

I think of baseball’s second straight Ivy League championship. I think of celebrating all the great wins and trying to forget a few humbling losses. Spring is really the best time of the year. When the sun finally stays for a weekend, half the campus floods to the Green for primo outdoor facetime.

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