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By Nova Robinson, The Dartmouth Senior Staff

Published on Friday, October 20, 2006

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Dearest Mononucleosis,

I really think we should start seeing other people. I would love to spend time with humans ­-- my blankets are nice but they are hard to have conversations with, they don't really respond. (Not, that I have tried ...) There are some really cute '10s out there and I have a hunch they would be better suited to your tastes: young and ready to share saliva.

I wish I could say that it was great while it lasted, but it wasn't. It actually sucked. You took over my social life, dictating what I could and could not do. According the The Stallstreet Journal's latest installment -- in bathroom stalls everywhere -- controlling your partner's interactions is abusive.

I know this is hard since we have been together for a few months now. But I really think it is for the best. We are through, done, finito! Leave me alone. Thanks.

Kisses, Nova

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