Inside This Issue
By Nova Robinson
Published on Friday, February 24, 2006
Hearing that DDS was going to cap my Topside spending at $100 crushed me. What will happen to my late-night splurges on Ben and Jerry's and Goldfish? With a $100 limit, I won't be able to afford every Pepperidge Farm, Coca Cola and Planter's product offered to our campus in that nifty, convenient-storesque entity that occupies the top floor of Thayer. I mean, how can they make me choose between low-sodium Cheddar fish and mini-Mint Milanos? I want them both. I want them all!
After eating such artificially-colored food, I would normally buy Crest Whitening Strips, but those cost over $50 which constitutes half of my, as-of-Summer-term, termly Topside allotment. Who wants to waste their precious Topside bucks whitening his or her teeth, when there are so many other wonderfully random products to pick from? Cat food anyone?
I wonder what the shelf life of the pre-packaged goodies at Topside is? Could I buy next year's supply of my Topside staples now since I have so much surplus DBA ($534.98, as of dinner)? Do you think Frappucinos (yes, Starbucks still controls us even though they don't have an "official" physical plant within the confines of Hanover), Nature Valley Granola Bars and Cherry Garcia will last through next year? No, who am I kidding.
It seems that I'll have to stock up on all of my favorite Topside varieties now. So if any big, strong, large-handed male would be willing to help me carry the goods, please blitz me! I can buy you dinner in return. Feel free to pick your DDS establishment of choice.